Fractured
by celticsketches
Summary: A part of her fractured the night she went to Christopher's. Reeling from the knowledge of her actions, she struggles to come to terms with her mistake. AU after Partings. Will be javajunkie eventually, but it won't be an easy path.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** : I don't own any of the characters that appear in my story. They all belong to Amy Sherman-Palladino.

 **Warning** : This story begins with consensual sex that turns non consensual. I am aware that this content may be disturbing/triggering to some, so please keep that in mind. I'd also like to note that in the real world, **no means no** \- regardless if there was originally consent or regardless how far into the encounter the consent stops.

I'd tried to make it as non graphic as I could, while still telling the story. This is only my second attempt at fanfiction (the first being for a different show and many many years ago!) I don't mind constructive criticism as long as it's helpful. Go easy on me though, I'm super nervous about posting this! Also, I don't have a beta, so any grammar or spelling errors are my own.

* * *

Looking back, she doesn't recall who made the first move. One minute she was drowning herself in a bottle of tequila and the next minute they were frantically making out on his couch. All she can remember is the numbness she felt in her body, their frantic kisses on the couch turning into hasty undressing in his bedroom. Then somehow they were naked, and he was hovering over her.

"Are you sure about this Lore?" He leant down and captured her lips in a kiss.

"Yes, Christopher. Please. I need this," she whimpered in return.

Slowly, he ran his length up and down her folds then eased into her inch by inch. He groaned at the heat wrapped around him and leaned down once more to kiss her. As his lips descended on hers and his length filled her, she let her mind go blank. This was good; she needed this. She needed something, anything to make her feel again. The numbness overwhelmed her and she felt detached from her body, unable to tell where she ended and he began.

"Please... Move..." She begged him.

He slowly began to glide in an out of her, picking up his pace as her body adjusted to him inside her. His hand skimmed down her side, flicking her nipple, as he braced his weight on his other arm. He nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck and inhaled her scent, his arousal blossoming,

Lorelai lay there quietly, letting him use her body. The numbness continued to press down on her and she tried desperately to focus on the act going on. With a hum of frustration, she realized she was nowhere close to orgasm. Christopher panted above her and she could tell he was starting to get close. He looked down at her and frowned. Normally Lorelai was an active and vocal participant during sex. It was odd for her to lay there so passively beneath him, neither moaning nor moving her hips in an effort to meet his thrusts. He reached a hand down between them and rubbed her clit, hoping to elicit a reaction from her. She screwed her eyes shut and tried to focus on chasing the pleasure she so desperately needed.

Nothing.

Instead, she cringed at how rough his fingers felt on her clit and how uncomfortable he suddenly felt thrusting in and out of her. A sharp stab of pain woke her from the numbness that had been clouding her mind and her previous arousal disappeared. With growing horror she could only focus on the horrible, sinking feeling in her gut. Dread descended upon her as she realized what she was doing. She turned her head and her eyes caught the moonlight glistening on her engagement ring. Nausea roiled in her stomach and she thought she might be sick.

Christopher leaned down once more to capture her lips, but revulsion filled her. She twisted her head away from him and a strangled "stop!" escaped her lips. He froze above her, "Lore?"

"I...I... I need to go Chris," she whimpered as she struggled to extricate her body from beneath his.

"Hey, come on Lore... I thought we were having a good time." He pressed his body weight into hers and suckled at the spot he knew she liked behind her ear. His fingers messaged her clit, hoping to pleasure her enough to change her mind. He began to move again as his desire for her overtook him.

"No Chris. I...I don't want this anymore... it hurts," she pleaded with him and writhed beneath him, desperate to escape.

He captured her jaw in his hand and forced her to look at him. His eyes were clouded with drunkenness and lust.

"You wanted this," he growled. "You can't just decide in the middle that you're done. You got me all worked up and now I'm almost done and I can't stop now. Just relax and it will feel better. I love you," he whispered as he peppered her face with kisses.

He picked up his pace again and panted into her face. The sour smell of alcohol caused her to crinkle her nose up in disgust and she turned her head away. She braced her hands on his chest in an effort to push him off and get him to stop.

"Please..." She whispered. "I don't want this Chris. Please stop. You're hurting me."

He continued on as if he didn't hear her and she struggled to push him off her. "Get off me!" She shrieked suddenly.

His hand clamped down on her mouth and he whispered into her ear angrily, "Shut up! I'll be done in a minute, just relax."

Lorelai began to cry beneath him and gasped for breath as she struggled against the hand clasped tightly over her nose and mouth. His movement reached a frantic pace that signaled he was about to come. He groaned and gave a last thrust and held himself inside her body as he came. She struggled to push him off as he collapsed on top of her.

Finally managing to extricate herself from him, she leapt out of the bed and frantically began looking for her clothes.

Christopher reached out and tried to grasp her arm as she escaped from the bed. "Come on Lore, I'm sorry. I couldn't stop, I was so close. You wanted it, you told me you wanted it. You begged me for it. Just come back to bed and get some sleep. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"I have to go Chris! This was wrong! God, this was so wrong. I told you to stop." Her voice cracked as she let out a strangled sob at the last word.

She stumbled blindly around the room searching for her dress, bra, and panties. Spotting her dress balled up in the corner, she yanked it on and decided to forgo the search for her bra and panties. She fumbled at the strings of her dress, willing her hands to stop shaking enough to tie the wrap closed.

Chris reached out and tried to tie the knot for her, but Lorelai flinched away from his touch. "Don't touch me Christopher!" She exclaimed and he caught a hint of fear flash through her eyes.

He backed away and puts his hands up. "Hey, I'm sorry, alright? I don't want you to leave upset like this," Chris said as he watched her stumble around the room. "Stay. It's late. I can sleep on the couch; you can take the bed and we'll talk in the morning."

"I can't do this, I need to go. Bye Christopher," she whispered shakily.

Her breath came in pants as she struggled not to completely fall apart. Tears ran down her cheeks as she ran out of the apartment, forgetting her shoes in her haste to leave. She ran to the elevator and began hitting the down button, tapping her foot frantically on the floor as she willed it to appear. She glanced back at the closed door of Chris' apartment and gave another sob. Tired of waiting for the elevator, she ran down the stairs and out into the night.

Her stomach lurched and she stumbled over to the bushes neatly trimming the building and vomited violently. She panted and gagged as her stomach rebelled against the alcohol still coursing through her body and the knowledge of what she did. Wiping the back of her hand across her mouth she grimaced at the foul taste left behind. She doubled over on the sidewalk, bracing her hands against her knees as she gasped for breath. Tears and snot mingled together as they coursed down her face. She sank to the ground and sobbed, ignoring the sharp sting as her bare knees made impact with the concrete.

Slowly, she managed to calm herself enough to crawl into her jeep. Leaning her forehead against the steering wheel, she sat there numbly. She glanced at the clock on the dashboard and saw it was somewhere around 3 in the morning. A shaky breath escaped her as she rubbed a hand across her tired face. Composing herself as much as she could, she steeled herself for the long, lonely drive back to Stars Hallow.

* * *

 **AN:** Well, that's the first chapter. I've got 2 or so more chapters mostly written. I've just been going back and rereading them and adding to them. I didn't realize how hard it was to make decent chapter lengths. I don't know how you all manage to come up with 6000 word chapters! Anyway, I probably won't be updating more than once a week, just as a warning. It will probably take me that long anyway to steel myself to post the next chapter lol. Erg. Anyway, posting this before I change my mind!


	2. Chapter 2

It was nearing dawn when Lorelai finally stumbled up the steps to the Crap Shack. Her hands trembled as she attempted to unlock the front door. Finally managing to unlock the door, she slowly walked inside. After closing the door behind her, she paused a moment and leaned her back against the door, her eyes slipping shut just for a moment in her utter exhaustion. Her body jerked as it forced itself into awareness and she threw down her keys and purse on the table in the foyer and tiredly trudged up the stairs.

She bit back a sob as she walked into her bedroom and came face to face with her bed, the one she and Luke had spent so many unforgettable nights in. Yet as she looked at it in the glow of dawn, she noticed for the first time that his side looked decidedly unslept in. When she really thought about it, she couldn't remember the last time he had spent the night in her bed. For weeks now, he seemed to find one excuse or another to return to the apartment above the diner at night. She almost forgot what it was like to share a bed with the man she called her fiancé.

She averted her eyes and wearily walked into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. She bit back a gasp of horror at the sight that filled her vision. Her hair was a mess of wild curls and black tracks of mascara trailed down her cheeks and rimmed her bloodshot eyes. Her eyes zeroed in on the red spot on her neck and she realized she had been marked. A purple bruise was blossoming and shame filled her when she looked at it. She watched her face crumple in the mirror as more tears made their way down her cheeks. With shaking fingers, she slowly untied the knot of her dress and let it pool at her feet. Her hands trailed down her naked body as if examining a foreign object; if she was honest with herself, she didn't even feel as if it was her body she was touching. She felt bile rise in her throat at the realization that Christopher hadn't used a condom and the evidence of their activities was crusted to the inside of her thighs. She collapsed on the floor and barely made it over the toilet before she started vomiting. She heaved until nothing was left and laid her head on the rim of the toilet.

God, she was exhausted.

She forced herself to stand and climbed into the shower and turned on the water as hot as it would go. Biting back a yelp, she screwed her eyes tightly shut and focused on the feeling of the burning water cascading down her body. Grabbing her loofa, she squirted a generous amount of body wash on it and started scrubbing furiously at her body.

She felt dirty.

She spend an inordinate amount of time scrubbing her thighs, trying to erase the feeling from her mind of what the dried semen had felt like crusted to them. The water mixed with the tears pouring down her face and she slowly dropped to the floor of the shower. She hunched over herself, wrapping her arms around her middle and crouched in a fetal position on the shower floor. Water pounded her back and she let herself go numb and shut down her mind. When she finally resurfaced, the water swirling around her was freezing cold and she realized she was shivering.

With chattering teeth, she managed to stand, her muscles screaming in protest after being stuck in the same position for an indeterminate amount of time. She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself, shaking uncontrollably. A quick glance in the mirror told her her lips had taken on a bluish tinge. She stumbled into her room, her limbs feeling like lead. She managed to pull on a clean pair of panties and at t shirt before collapsing into bed. Her eyes slipped shut as exhaustion pulled her into nothingness.

* * *

She was startled awake a few hours later by the ringing of her cell phone. She fumbled for it on her night stand and flipped it open without bothering to check who it was.

"Hello?" She croaked groggily into the phone.

"Sweetie? It's Sookie. Is everything alright? You were supposed to be at work a couple hours ago," Sookie asked fretfully.

Lorelai pried her eyes open and squinted at her fuzzy alarm clock. 10:43 am. She'd been asleep for close to 5 hours, but exhaustion pulled at her consciousness. A headache blossomed deep in her skull and she breathed deeply before replying.

"I... I'm not feeling well Sook. I'm not going to make it in today. I'm so sorry, apologize to Michel for me," she whispered.

"Honey? Did something happen with you and Luke? Someone told me they saw your guys arguing outside of the diner last night. Is everything alright?" Sookie pressed.

Lorelai paused before answering, struggling to keep her emotions under control. "I don't want to talk about it Sook. I just need some time to think," she mumbled.

Lorelai heard a pregnant pause before Sookie responded carefully, "Ok sweetie, but you can call me any time if you need me. You know that right? I'm here for you."

"I will, thanks Sookie," she answered, choking back a sob.

Lorelai snapped her phone shut and rolled over onto her back. She stared at the ceiling numbly, thoughts tumbling through her head. She rolled over and tried to force her exhausted body back to sleep, but flashes of Christopher panting above her filled her mind. Her breathing quickened as she tried to force the unpleasant thoughts away. A memory of a hand caressing her body caused her to shoot to a sitting position in her bed. She braced her hands against the bed on either side of her and lowered her head to her chest, listening to her panting breaths fill the room. She gasped for air as the tightness in her chest increased. Revulsion filled her and she stumbled her way over to the toilet. Once more she fell to her knees and gagged, though her empty stomach allowed little to come up.

She lay her burning body down on the cold floor and wept.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

 **AN:** Thanks for the interest so far. I'd love some more reviews and greatly appreciate those who have taken the time to leave one. I know I'm not the best at reviewing stories myself, so I get the lack of response lol. Anyway, I borrowed a fair amount of dialog for the beginning of this chapter. Because this story still follows the plot line of the ultimatum, break up, and night at Christopher's, I elected to use the scene from the show where Luke shows up at Lorelai's. I lifted the text from a transcript of the episode, adding a bit of my own on the reaction side. I definitely acknowledge that the text I borrowed rightfully belongs to Amy Sherman-Palladino and Co. Anyway, thanks again and happy reading! I'm attempting to work on chapter length as I'd prefer to have it around 2k words per chapter instead of the 1-1.5k I'm currently at. Still working on the best way to split chapters and so far I've liked how it has been split up, hence the short chapters.

* * *

Sometime later she was awoken by a pounding on her door. She groaned as she lifted herself off the bathroom floor and headed into her room, slipping on a pair of sweats. The pounding on her door increased in volume as she made her way down the stairs. Wincing at the headache persistently throbbing in her temple, she called out a shaky, "I'm coming."

Her breath caught in her throat as she recognized the figure silhouetted through the door.

"Lorelai? Are you in there? I need to talk to you," Luke shouted through the door.

She opened the door and stared at him numbly as he began to ramble, "Uh... A car crashed into my diner this morning. There's a giant hole where my wall used to be. It's gonna take a couple of weeks to fix." He chuckled, "it's a disaster, but I don't care. I mean, I care, but... You know what, no. I really - I don't care. It's like it's not even real to me. It's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there, and you're in it, and I'm sharing it with you. And, uh, I don't know what I was waiting for, and I don't know what I was scared of, but I'm not. I'm not scared, and I'm not waiting. I'm here."

"Luke," she whispered softly, rubbing her temple.

He cut her off before she could respond and launched into another speech, "No, don't say anything. I've got a full tank of gas, and Maryland is only 200 miles away, and I've made us some reservations at a couple bed-and-breakfasts. I mean if you don't want to do the Maryland thing, we don't have to. I heard you say "Maryland" the other day. I don't know whether you were serious. I'm just trying to cover my bases here."

"Luke..." She tried again, a little firmer.

He pressed on, desperate to make her understand he understood the mistake he made the night before. "I also packed some camping equipment so we can head to Vermont or Maine and, you know, check into a cabin for a week, you know, like a little honeymoon thing. But maybe that's a little too rustic for your taste. Or we could drive to Atlantic City or even Las Vegas if you want to make a real road trip out of it."

"Luke, stop," she whimpered desperately. A roaring sound filled her ears as she struggled to follow his tirade.

"I also did some research, and we can also apparently use a sea captain, if you want. I'm not sure how big the boat has to be for it to be legal, but we can head to the coast, and we can knock on some doors, you know, boat doors. Yeah, that's probably not the most sensible way."

"Just stop," she almost shrieked as she struggled to maintain control over herself.

He pressed on, "But, no no, you were right. I need to be faster. I need to move faster, I need to think faster. And, well, here I am."

"It's over."

"No, you can't say that. You can't just say that it's over. It's not over. You can't just decide that it's over. I'm in this, too. You know I'm not gonna let it be over. You said, "be ready now or never." I'm ready now," he stated firmly.

"Luke," she pleaded with him.

"Let's go. Let's do this. Let's get married right now. Let's go."

"I slept with Christopher," she whispered brokenly.

He stared at her in silence, before turning on his heel and striding away. He jumped in his truck and roared out of her driveway in a cloud of dust, leaving her standing forlornly on the porch. She sank to her knees, too numb to cry anymore. Darkness fell around her as she thought about all she had lost.

* * *

Night found her tossing and turning in her bed, desperate for sleep. She groaned as she looked at the clock. 1:27 am. The second hand ticked on, taunting her. After sitting for hours on her porch, she had finally managed to drag herself inside and decided to go to bed. The emotion of the last 24 hours exhausted her in mind and body. She hoped an early bedtime would help clear her mind and give her the sleep she desperately craved. Instead, she had tossed and turned for hours. Every time she shut her eyes, images of Christopher moving above her flickered in front of her. She felt the way his hands caressed her body, touching her in the most intimate of places. She sat in bed, gasping for breath, her chest constricting as she fought for breath. Her heart thudded wildly out of control and she struggled to grasp on to something real as her world crashed around her. Dimly, she was aware that she was having some sort of panic attack, a hint of what many nights to come would bring. Her eyes landed on her clock again and she forced herself to breathe in time to the ticking of the second hand. In for 5 seconds, out for 5 seconds. Gradually her breathing and heart rate slowed and the tightening of her chest loosened. Even though she was exhausted, she knew sleep would not easily find her for the rest of the night.

She swung her legs out of bed and made her way downstairs. A glass of water was quickly gulped down in the kitchen and she made her way to the couch. She lay down, pulling a blanket around her and burrowed into its cocoon. She clicked the tv on, not bothering to change the channel from the late night infomercial that was on. A man shouted at her through the television about some sort of magic cloth that promised to soak up an entire liter of soda out of the carpet. If she had been more cognizant, she would have made fun of the skinny man extolling the virtues of the "ShamWow." The screen flickered in front of her as she let her eyes glaze over, the blue light washing over her. For hours she lay there, somewhere between sleep and awake until the first rays of dawn crept through the windows.

The light creeping into the room brought her to awareness. Gratefully, she realized it was morning. Though the hour was early, and one she was previously almost never awake for, she rose from the couch and made her way to the kitchen. Once there, she started a pot of coffee and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table. She rested her head on her arms as she waited for the coffee to finish brewing. Her stomach rumbled and she realized she hadn't eaten in over a day. The scent of coffee wafted over to her and she gratefully poured herself a large mug and grabbed a package of pop-tarts. She quickly downed her coffee, ignoring the sear of the hot liquid on her tongue. She consumed 4 more cups before she left, praying it would give her the strength to make it through the day.

* * *

Lorelai sat in her office, hunched over her desk. She rested her head in her hands as she massaged her temples. She looked up at the soft knock that came on her door.

"Lorelai, honey? It's Sookie. Can I come in?"

Lorelai let out a sigh and replied, "Sure, Sook. The door's open."

Sookie cracked the door open and looked at her friend. She took in the circles under her eyes and her slightly rumpled clothes.

"Honey, I'm worried about you. Tobin said you came in before 6 this morning. Are you ok? You never come to work that early."

Lorelai's face crumpled as she started to cry.

"I... I broke up with Luke," she whispered.

"Sweetie... what happened?"

"I went to dinner on Friday night, like I normally do. My parent's invited Chris. I didn't know he was going to be there. They brought over a woman and tried to set them up. She was a psychologist or psychiatrist or something. Linny." Lorelai stopped and took a deep breath.

'I don't know what happened. One minute Chris and I were trying to find a way to get him out of dinner and the next thing I know I'm in her car spilling out my life story. I snapped. She made me realize how unhappy I was with everything going on with Luke."

Her voice broke as she said his name. She took another breath and continued, "I went to Luke after dinner and I gave him an ultimatum. I told him it was now or never. I wanted to get married. He didn't say anything and I walked away. He didn't even follow me. I was so angry and so lonely. I didn't know what to do and somehow I found myself at Chris'. I went over there just to talk, I swear. But we started drinking. I don't know who made the first move... but we started kissing. Then we had sex."

Lorelai was sobbing at this point in her story, her voice filled with agony as she recounted what happened. Sookie sat in stunned silence.

"Oh, honey. Did you tell Luke you slept with Chris? Maybe you can just pretend it didn't happen. He doesn't need to know, it was a mistake and it won't happen again, right?"

Lorelai continued to cry, "He came to my house yesterday and said he was ready. He had all this stuff with him and made all these plans. He told me he wanted to marry me. But... I couldn't lie to him. I told him I slept with Chris and he left. Sookie he was so angry. He hates me and I don't think I'll ever be able to see him again."

Lorelai buried her face in her hands and sobbed. She felt Sookie envelop her in a hug and stroke her hair. She clung to her and held on for dear life. "I ruined everything Sookie. Luke was the best thing that ever happened to me and now it's over and I don't know what to do."

Sookie murmured soft words in her ear that she couldn't quite make out. Gradually she quieted as Sookie rubbed circles on her back and continued stroking her hair. Her eyes fluttered shut as she leaned her head on her desk.

"Why don't I take you back to my place, sweetie. Maybe you can get some rest," Sookie whispered to her.

"No, I'm fine. I... I need to work. I have a lot to do," Lorelai whispered brokenly.

"You're exhausted. You can't work like this. I can try to have Jackson take the kids so you can nap."

"I'll be fine. Just give me a couple minutes to compose myself, I'd rather stay here and be busy so I don't have to think..." She trailed off.

Sookie frowned, but relented. "Well, OK. Why don't you come to the kitchen. I've been trying out some new brownie recipes and I could use a taste tester."

Lorelai gave a watery smile and whispered a quiet, "Thanks Sook."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Lorelai spent her days in a fog, her body consumed with a numbness she didn't have the energy to fight. She worked from dawn until well after dusk, throwing herself into work at the inn. She whirled through the days doing anything and everything to keep herself busy. She did the inn's laundry, made beds, washed dishes in the kitchen, and even one time attempted to clean the manure out of the stalls in the barn. When she was inevitably forced to go home for the night, usually by Tobin who kept finding reasons to check up on her, she stumbled to Rory's room and crashed into her bed. She hadn't managed to sleep in her own bed since that first night after going to Chris'. It was too big, too empty, and reminded her too much of all she had lost. She'd even moved all of her clothes into Rory's closet and her toiletries into the downstairs bathroom, avoiding her room as much as physically possible.

What was once a favorite past time for Lorelai soon became a source of great anxiety; sleep continued to elude her at night. Most nights she managed only three or four hours of sleep. She was still having frequent panic attacks, though she tried her best to force any thought of the night at Christopher's deep into the recesses of her brain. She managed pretty well during the day by working herself to exhaustion, but all that effort seemed to fail when her subconscious took over and she found herself reliving that night over and over in her dreams. It always ended with her gasping for breath as her heartbeat thudded in her ears. Sometimes after a particularly vivid flashback, she was forced to stumble to the bathroom and vomit up what little she had managed to eat for dinner. Afterwards, she would stagger blearily to the couch and spend the rest of the night staring dazedly at the TV.

She hadn't told Sookie all the details of _that_ night. All she told her that she went over to Chris' so she wouldn't have to return to her house alone, how there was a lot of alcohol involved, and somehow they ended up in his bed. She left out the part where she realized she made a mistake right in the middle of sex. She didn't tell her how she had begged and pleaded with Chris to stop. It didn't matter. She was still a cheater. Unfortunately, her mind wouldn't let her forget the pain she felt when he refused to stop or how it felt for him to finish inside her. She couldn't stand the thought that her revelation might actually garner some pity. So, she kept that part of the night bottled up inside her, even though it was eating her alive.

She didn't know how long she could continue putting up a front to Sookie and the rest of the town. Sookie hovered relentlessly over her, constantly asking her how she felt and inviting her to spend the night. While she appreciated the sentiment, she was desperate to keep the insomnia and panic attacks a secret. She hated looking weak in front of anyone. She was supposed to be strong; she was supposed to be Wonder Woman. She wasn't supposed to be that girl who wallowed over a break up.

Even the townies were tiptoeing around her. They noticed how her smile didn't quite sparkle with the brilliance it once did and her makeup couldn't hide the deep bruises underneath her eyes brought on by her lack of sleep. No one dared mention Luke to her and she avoided the area around the diner like the plague. Luckily the diner being closed gave her an extra excuse to stay away. Now, most mornings she stuck with the industrial sized can of Folger's, unable to bring herself to go into town to Weston's for a cup.

* * *

"Hey Michel, have you seen Lorelai today?" Sookie asked, wiping her hands on her apron as she approached the front desk.

"Mmmm...yes..." he said, not looking up from the papers on the desk.

"Well, can you tell me where she is?"

"No, I'm afraid not. I'm not her keeper and can't be expected to know where she is at every minute of the day," he stated dryly.

"Come on, Michel. A little hint?" Sookie asked exasperatedly.

"Mmm... try upstairs. Last I saw she was running around with some linens," he gave a bored sigh as he continued flipping through the papers.

Sookie gave Michel a final glare before turning to head upstairs to find Lorelai. She walked down the hallway, spotting a maid's cart in front of a room at the end of the hall.

"Lorelai? Are you in here?" She peered into the open door, her eyes darting around the room.

Lorelai appeared from the ensuite bathroom, a pile of towels in her arms.

"Sookie?" She questioned, halting in her tracks a the sight of her friend.

Sookie looked Lorelai up and down, frowning as she took in her friend's pale complexion, lank hair, and rumpled clothes. Lorelai normally took great care with her appearance, and it pained Sookie to see her come to work looking so worn.

"Hey sweetie, what are you doing?" She asked gently.

"I'm umm... I'm just doing a little cleaning." Lorelai blushed and looked down at her feet, sensing Sookie's close scrutiny of her appearance.

"Lorelai, usually being the owner means you don't have to do the cleaning anymore," Sookie tried keeping her voice lighthearted when she replied.

"I know Sook, I just..." She trailed off, failing to come up with an excuse.

Sookie approached her friend cautiously and reached out to grab the towels from the tight grasp Lorelai had on them. She gently pulled them into her arms and walked them to the cart in the hallway and depositing them in the basket with the rest of the dirty linens. Returning to the room, she walked over to Lorelai, who was still standing in the same spot, staring at her feet.

"Come on sweetie, I just made a fresh pot of coffee and some salted caramel cheesecake. Why don't you sit for a minute in your office and I'll bring you a snack, ok?" Sookie grabbed Lorelai by the elbow and gently lead her from the room.

After depositing Lorelai into her chair in her office and pressing a steaming cup of coffee and a huge slice of cheesecake into her hands, she escaped to the kitchen. It tore her apart to see her friend so broken. She was at her wit's end with what to do. She knew there was only one person who might be able to get through to Lorelai– Rory.

* * *

Sookie bit her lip as she nervously waited for Rory to pick up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi kitten, it's Sookie."

"Sookie? Is everything ok with mom?" Rory asked, her voiced tinged with anxiety. She hadn't heard from her mom in almost a week and Sookie calling her ratcheted up her panic.

"Well...no. Your mom and Luke, they uh...they broke up," Sookie explained hesitantly.

"What?! When?!" Exclaimed Rory. "What happened?"

"It happened last Friday, I think after dinner at your grandparents...I think your mom should be the one to tell your what happened, sweetie. I know you are busy at school, but I think you should try and come home. You're mom, well, she's not doing too well. I've tried to help her out, but I'm not getting through to her."

"I... I need to make some calls," Rory's voice shook as she spoke and her thoughts raced at the information Sookie had just told her. Luke. Lorelai. Broken up. "I'll be home as soon as I can Sookie. I need to get some stuff with the paper covered, but I'll be home tonight. I promise."

"I'm sorry to bother you at school, but I just didn't know what to do. Your mom hasn't stopped since the break up and I don't know how much longer she can keep going at the pace she's going at... I've never seen her so run down..." Sookie trailed off, not knowing what else to say.

"Thanks for calling me Sookie. I was worried something was up because I hadn't heard from her since she called me on her way to dinner last Friday. I didn't know anything was wrong, I just figured she's been busy with work. I should have called her," Rory's voice broke as she thought about her mom going through a break up alone.

"It's not your fault sweetie. I didn't want to be the one to have to call, but I knew she hadn't told you yet and I'm worried about her. She needs you."

"Thanks Sookie, I'll be home as soon as I can."

Rory crashed around her room, throwing clothes in a bag. While she frantically packed, she thought back two years ago to when her mom and Luke had broken up after her grandparent's vow renewal. She remembered Sookie calling her to come home then, but this time Sookie sounded even more shaken. A picture flashed through her mind of her mom sobbing in bed alone. That was the lowest she had ever seen her mom and it frightened her to think what she would find when she got home.

* * *

 **AN:** Thanks again for all the kind reviews. Sorry this update took a little while. Things at work have been really hectic and I haven't felt like coming home and writing. Parts of this chapter were a little bit of a struggle, I hope its ok. I struggle a lot with dialogue so hopefully it's not too terrible lol. Updates will be a little slow because I'm still puzzling how to move this story along. I have an idea of where I want it to go, but I don't want to do a time jump so I'm still working out how to get where I want. So please stick with me!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Lorelai sat in her office, picking at the slice of cheesecake Sookie had left her. After a few small bites, she pushed the plate away from her, sank down into her desk chair, and allowed her eyes to slip shut for a moment. She was so exhausted she was barely making it through each day. Her mind settled into a comfortable emptiness, for once allowing her a small respite from the thoughts that plagued her mind night and day. She was just starting to drift off when her cell phone rang shrilly, startling her awake.

A grimace crossed her features when she saw the name displayed on the screen – Christopher. He called daily, sometimes multiple times a day, but she could not bring herself to answer the phone. It rang and rang while she stared at it, unwilling to face the man on the other end. When it finally stopped ringing, "1 New Voicemail" flashed up on the screen. Taking a deep breath, she flipped her phone open and dialed her voicemail. She took a few calming breaths while she entered her passcode and waited for the message to play.

"Hey Lore, it's Chris. You've made it pretty clear you don't want to talk to me, but please call me. I really want to talk to you and figure this whole mess out. That night didn't exactly end the way I expected it to, but I think we can work it out. We've always been able to work things out - it's you and me Lore. Look, if I don't hear from you soon, I'm going to come see you. I want to talk about this and if you won't answer my calls, then we'll just have to talk face to face."

The phone fell with a clatter to the desk as she dropped it. She sat up straight in her desk chair, her fingers gripping the edge of her desk so hard her knuckles turned white.

Christopher. Here.

Her breath hitched as she imagined him in her home, talking to her, possibly touching her. She bowed her head and squeezed her eyes tightly shut, hoping to stem the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks. Christopher had finally delivered the ultimatum she had been expecting after ignoring all his calls. She was left with the choice of finally calling him back or having him show up in Stars Hallow. Both options had her feeling like she was about to walk the plank of a pirate ship and fall into a pool of waiting sharks.

Before she had a chance to pick up her phone, she heard a soft knock on the door before Sookie came bustling in. Plastering a smile on her face, she tried to release some of the tension in her body and sank back into her chair.

Sookie burst through the door chattering about something going on in the kitchen. As she approached Lorelai's desk, she noted how the slice of cheesecake she had left appeared to be barely nibbled on. Her eyes swiftly ran over Lorelai, taking in the way her hands gripped her desk and the unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

"Hey sweetie," she said lightly. "Do you have a sudden aversion to cheesecake? That's one of my best ones yet and you barely touched it."

Lorelai mustered a smile and tried to answer as cheerfully as possible, "You know, I ate a big lunch earlier and I'm just stuffed. You'll have to roll me out of here if I eat another bite."

Sookie's smile faltered slightly. Lorelai hadn't stepped foot into the kitchen all day and she doubted whether or not she had actually had anything to eat. "Oh, well ok. Hey, why don't you head home for the day? Michel and I have everything under control and it's pretty slow. You've been working a lot of hours lately, it might be nice to take the afternoon off and relax."

For a fraction of a second, Lorelai's eyes widened in panic before she forced a neutral expression onto her face. With as much enthusiasm as she could muster she replied, "Are you sure? I had planned on staying a few more hours, but if you don't need me, I suppose I could go home. My house is starting to look straight out of an episode of Hoarders so I guess I could take advantage of an afternoon off," she tried to joke, wincing at her unconscious reveal of the state of her home life. While her house was never totally clean, she was so tired and overrun that it was worse than normal. She stood up slowly from her desk and gathered her things. Sookie filled the silence with a steady stream of chatter and followed her out of the room.

"Hon, you go home and rest and come back tomorrow. We've got everything under control, trust me," she said as she gave Lorelai a gentle push out the front door of the inn.

Lorelai trudged to her car, trying not to fall apart. The thought of spending hours alone in her quiet house filled her with dread. She gave a last wave to Sookie before driving off, the steering wheel clasped tightly in her hands.

* * *

Lorelai spend the remainder of the day spinning around her house with a sudden burst of frantic energy. By the time she collapsed on to the couch, darkness had fallen. She slouched into the cushions, surveying the room around her. The living room was spotless, not a stray magazine or dish in sight. The wood furniture gleamed after an uncharacteristic buff with polish. Her eyes slipped shut as she allowed herself to drift off. She was jolted awake what felt like seconds later by the sound of a door slamming shut.

"Rory?" She asked groggily as she spotted her daughter walking into the living room.

Rory's arms were laden down with bags from Doose's, filled with all of Lorelai's favorite wallowing foods. She dumped the bags on the coffee table, plopping down on the couch next to her mom. Rummaging through the bags, she began unloading their contents onto the table. Pints of Chunky Monkey, Red Vines, Pop-Tarts, and other junk food soon filled the small table.

"What are you doing here, Rory? Don't you have school?" Lorelai asked, a sinking feeling in her stomach as she saw all of her favorite wallowing foods being placed on the table. Unable to face her daughter, she had avoided calling her and telling her what happened with Luke and Christopher. Rory's sudden appearance with an abundance of wallowing foods signaled someone had told her about the breakup, Sookie the likely culprit.

"Sookie called me, and told me about Luke," Rory said gently. "She was worried about you...what happened?" Rory's eyes roved over her mother, taking in her appearance. Lorelai's hair was pulled back messily into a ponytail and dark circles rimmed her eyes; her face looked drawn and worn.

Lorelai's eyes filled with tears and she choked back a sob as she began to explain herself. Rory clasped her mom's hand tightly in her own as she watched her break down in front of her. Her mom rarely broke down in front of Rory, always the one doing the comforting and rarely being the one on the other side of the comforting. Lorelai clung to Rory as she cried, shifting down until her head rested in her daughter's lap.

"I don't know what happened," she hiccuped through her tears. "I just snapped and it was awful."

In a rare reversal of roles, Rory stroked her mother's hair as she listened to her mom recount her horrifying night. She held back tears as she listened to the raw anguish in her mom's voice as she spoke.

"I ended up at Christopher's," she whimpered. "We...we...we had sex," she whispered, barely able to confess her sins to her daughter.

Shame filled her as she revealed to her daughter what she had done. The all too familiar feeling of disgust rose within her, and she swallowed against the bile that threatened to rise in her throat. Telling Rory about that night was even harder than telling Sookie. Rory saw Luke as almost a second father and it killed her to know she might have affected her relationship with him. She told her daughter only the barest of details, unwilling to confess how the night had completely played out.

"Oh, mom," Rory whispered. "It's going to be ok. I'm here and we can wallow together for a while, ok? Maybe watch a movie and order a pizza..." Her voice trailed off. She wasn't sure how her mom was going to make it through this and she felt silly trying to comfort her with food and movies. No amount of junk food would take away her mom's pain. Lorelai's sobs faded to a quiet whimper as exhaustion pulled at her. She clutched desperately to Rory's shirt as she let her daughter comfort her.

"Thanks kid, but I think I'm just going to go to bed. I'm so tired," she whispered, struggling to keep her eyes open.

"Let me help you up to bed then, ok?" Rory said gently as she helped her mom up from the couch. She made a move to guide her mom upstairs, but paused when she noticed her frozen in place.

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably for a moment, staring at the ground. "I, um...I've been sleeping in your room," she whispered. "I can't sleep in my bed," she confessed hoarsely, a blush rising on her cheeks.

"Ok, mom. That's ok. You can stay in my room and I'll sleep in yours. I don't mind," Rory said, gently tugging on her mom's arm as she led her into her room.

She helped her mom into her old twin bed and tucked the blankets in around her, as Lorelai had done thousands of times for her.

"Will you stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?" Lorelai asked, trying to keep the panic from her voice. She clutched at her daughter's hand as Rory turned to leave the room, grasping it tightly in her own. She had a desperate, pleading look in her eyes that was completely foreign to Rory.

"Of course mom, I'll be right here," Rory said as she climbed into bed behind her mom. She held her close in her arms and stroked her hair, trying to bring some comfort to her mom. "I love you, mom," she whispered.

"I love you too, sweets," Lorelai said sleepily.

Lorelai's breathing evened out as she fell asleep, lulled into safety by the feeling of her daughter's arms wrapped around her. Rory listened to her mother's soft breathing fill the room. A million thoughts raced through her head and she was having a hard time making sense of everything her mom had told her. This breakup was definitely affecting her mom more than the last one. Last time Lorelai had managed to hold herself together pretty well. She'd wallowed some that first night, but perked up enough to push Rory back to Yale. This time, Lorelai seemed completely broken. The haunted look she saw in her mom's eyes chilled her and she wondered if there was more to the story than she was saying. Once she was sure her mom wouldn't wake up, she eased out of the bed, pressed a quick kiss to Lorelai's head, and left the room.

* * *

 **AN:** Thanks again for the kind reviews and the interest in my story!


	6. Chapter 6

**AN:** Well, inspiration struck this weekend and I have another chapter ready to post! I also have another one about 3/4 of the way completed - whoo hoo! For my own sanity and for anyone who might have been wondering, I will do a little time line clarification for my story. I was re-reading it earlier from the beginning and noticed a slight error with my timeline and the text I lifted from the actual episode. Thank goodness the timeline of Gilmore Girls has always been a little bit of a mystery so my playing with it a little bit shouldn't be too big of a deal haha. Here is how my story is playing out:

1\. Lorelai goes to Friday night dinner, talks with Linny, and gives Luke the ultimatum. That same night, she sleeps with Christopher.

2\. Lorelai returns home in the very early hours of Saturday morning. In my story, Kirk crashes the car into the diner Saturday morning (as happens in the episode) and Luke comes over the same afternoon to whisk her away to elope. In the actual episode there was an extra day in between and Luke didn't come to elope until Sunday.

3\. Chapter 6 picks up on Thursday - almost a week after the ultimatum and night at Christopher's. At this point, the diner is already re-opened.

4\. I mention that Luke has been in Lorelai's life for 10 years. I'm basing this on the 8 years Luke mentions in episode 5.03, and adding the two years because we are now at the beginning of season 7.

Anyway, hopefully this clarifies things for anyone who might have been curious of my timeline. I tried not to mess with things too much, but this is AU after all, so a bit of creative liberty is ok ;) I'd also love some more reviews. I didn't get any from Chapter 5 which was a bit disheartening. Is there anything I can do to improve my story or my writing? Anything you guys would like to see me work on?

I have another little story I've started on the side that is also heavy on the angst, so I might post that soonish. I'm still thinking in my head where I want that story to head, but I have the first chapter mostly written. I'm a sucker for some major Lorelai in distress scenarios lol.

Thanks again for reading. I

* * *

Chapter 6:

Lorelai woke with a jolt, blinking slowly as she took in her surroundings. Rory's room. She glanced at the clock and groaned when she saw the time. 4:17 am. Though she got more sleep than she had in days, she was still exhausted. She sighed wearily and dragged herself out of bed. She trudged to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. Looking in the mirror, she frowned at her reflection.

Shuffling out of Rory's room, she grabbed a blanket from the couch and made her way outside and sat on the couch on the porch. Tucking the blanket securely around her, she pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. Resting her head on her knees, she sighed deeply.

"Mom?"

Hearing her daughter's voice, Lorelai looked up to see her daughter standing in front of her.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you?" Lorelai whispered.

"No, I came downstairs to get a drink of water and saw you weren't in bed. What are you doing out here?" Rory replied, sitting down next to her mom and wrapping her arm around her shoulder.

"I couldn't sleep," she said quietly.

"Mom, I'm worried about you. It doesn't look like you've been sleeping and Sookie said you've been really tired. She said you've been coming into work really early and staying really late. This isn't healthy," Rory whispered gently.

"Luke was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know how to live my life without him," her voice broke as she started to sob. "Luke has been in my life for the last 10 years...what am I going to do?"

Rory stroked her hand up and down her mom's arm, trying to comfort her the best she could.

"Come on mom, let's get you back inside," Rory pleaded with her mom, helping her up from the couch.

Lorelai shuffled along after Rory, not putting up a fight about returning to bed. She stumbled along after her daughter like a zombie, tripping over her feet and clinging tightly to Rory. Rory grasped her mom tightly as she steered her back into her room. Once more she helped her mom into bed and tucked her in. Climbing in behind her, she held on to her mom tightly and whispered comforting words into her ear. Lorelai's breathing evened out as she fell into a light sleep, calmed by the presence of her daughter.

* * *

Several hours later, Rory walked into the kitchen, searching for something for her mom to eat. Opening the fridge, she frowned when she saw it was almost completely empty. There were a few take out containers of Chinese food and that was it. She pulled open the freezer hoping to find some Eggo's and found it was empty as well. Remembering the Pop-Tarts she had brought for Lorelai's wallowing, she went into the living room and grabbed the box off of the coffee table. Grabbing two packages, she headed back to her room and to her mom.

Lorelai lay curled up in bed, staring at the wall. Tears leaked from her eyes and she sniffled quietly. Rory's heart broke as she saw her mom crying again.

"Mom, is there anything I can do? I feel terrible that you are so upset," Rory said sadly.

"No, hon. I just need time," Lorelai whispered.

"I have some Pop-Tarts for you," Rory said with a smile.

"Thanks, sweets, but I'm not hungry," Lorelai said quietly.

"Please mom? You need to eat. I have a bottle of water too. It's not good for you to go without eating or drinking anything," Rory pleaded.

Lorelai grimaced and reached for the Pop-Tart. Ripping open the package, she smiled lightly when she saw it was her favorite flavor, strawberry. The Pop-Tart tasted like sand in her mouth and she forced herself to swallow. With Rory's eyes on her, she forced down the whole Pop-Tart, her stomach churning with every bite.

"I can't eat anymore," she whispered, unable to bring herself to eat the second Pop-Tart.

"It's ok, mom. Why don't you go sit on the couch and I'll put on a movie for you. I need to run some errands, but I won't be gone long," Rory said.

She made her mom comfortable and popped a movie into the DVD player. The opening credits to _Miss Congeniality_ began to play and Lorelai smiled at Rory.

"I thought you could use something lighthearted and I know how much you love this movie," Rory said with a smile. "I'll be back later, I promise."

* * *

Rory stood nervously in front of the door of the diner. She twisted her hands together, steeling herself to go in. Taking a deep breath, she pushed the door open, hearing the bell tinkle. Luke looked up from behind the counter and froze at the sight of her.

Quickly walking around the counter, he paused in front of her.

"Rory. Hi," he said awkwardly.

"Can we talk?" Rory asked nervously.

"Yeah, let's go upstairs," he said. Turning to Caesar in the kitchen he yelled, "Hey, Caesar. Cover for me, will you? I need a moment."

Caesar poked his out of the kitchen and said, "Sure thing, boss. I got it covered."

Luke turned and beckoning Rory to follow him, he led her through the curtain and upstairs. They stood in the doorway of his apartment, staring awkwardly at each other.

"Do you want to sit down?" Luke questioned while gesturing awkwardly to the couch.

"Umm...sure," said Rory.

Sitting down next to each other stiffly, they both sized each other up, each too nervous to start speaking first.

Rory eventually spoke first, "Luke, I don't know what happened between you and mom, but I'm really sorry. She told me a little bit about what happened and I'm so angry at her for what she did. You didn't deserve that. But she also didn't deserve to be pushed out of your life. She was crushed when you guys postponed the wedding. I've never seen her so happy with anyone but you..." Rory trailed off helplessly.

Luke blew out the breath he had been holding while Rory rambled. "Look, Rory. Things with your mom got really complicated. I never meant to push her out of my life like I did. I didn't even really realize I was doing it until she showed up at the diner on Friday. I messed up, I know I did. But what she did is unforgivable. She slept with Christopher!" His voiced rose to a shout as he finished his last sentence.

"I know, Luke. Believe me, I am so angry that she went to him. I'm angry at my dad for not turning her away. I'm angry that she betrayed you, but she's in really bad shape. It's even worse than last time," Rory said. "I know that doesn't change anything, but I just thought you should know she regrets what she did. She knows she messed up."

"Look, I'm sorry with the way things turned out, but I can't be there for her right now. She made the decision to go to him and she needs to figure it out on her own. I can't still be her knight in shining armor and rescue her anymore. She made it pretty clear by going to him that she doesn't need me. Maybe someday we can be friends again, but not now. I'm sorry," he said bluntly.

"I understand," Rory said softly. "You have no idea how much I wish she had gone anywhere but my dad's house. I just want you to know that I wish you would have officially been my step dad. You were already more of a dad than my dad ever was and I was happy it was going to be official."

Luke's hard expression softened as he listened to Rory speak. His heart swelled when she said she wished he was her step dad. "I'll always be here for you Rory, no matter what my status with your mom is. Why don't you come downstairs and I'll get you some coffee and some pie."

Rory gave his a small smile and simply said, "Thanks Luke."

* * *

Rory returned home, feeling conflicted after her chat with Luke. While she knew she would always be welcome in the diner, it would be a long time before Lorelai would be able to make amends and return. Sighing heavily, she sat for a moment on the porch steps. Tomorrow was Friday and that meant dinner at her grandparent's house. Unfortunately Rory had a function to cover for the newspaper and wouldn't be able to go. There was no way her grandparents would allow both her and and Lorelai to miss dinner and she was worried about sending her mom off alone. There was no way Lorelai would be able to hide the breakup all the way through dinner. Rory mused that perhaps it was best if her mom just go and tell them, ripping the bandaid off in one hard yank. That might be better than trying to hide it and build up having to finally tell them.

Entering the house, she saw her mom exactly where she had left her on the couch. The movie had finished playing and the screen was stuck on the menu page, the same 30 seconds of the theme music playing repeatedly. Her mom was staring at the screen with a glazed look on her face and Rory's concern for her mother multiplied.

"Mom? I'm home," she said hoping not to startle her mom.

Lorelai jumped at the sound, shooting up on the couch to look at her daughter. "Hey, sweets!" She said with forced cheerfulness, plastering a smile on her face. "I wish Michael Caine would come give me a makeover. I might finally be able to pass the Emily Gilmore etiquette test," she tried to joke.

"You might be a lost cause, mom. You haven't been able to pass it for 39 years - you'd need a miracle! Though perhaps Michael and his team would be the ones to finally do it," she replied teasingly, playing along with her mom.

"Thanks for everything, kid, but I think it's best if you head back to school. I'll be ok and I don't want you to miss anymore class," Lorelai said carefully.

"Are you sure? I can stay through the weekend if you want."

"Really, I'll be ok. I'm already doing better," Lorelai said, forcing a smile on her face.

"Well, ok, I do have something for the paper tomorrow anyway that I shouldn't miss. I um...I won't be able to go to dinner at grandma and grandpa's tomorrow."

A hint of panic flashes in her mom's eyes before she replied, "Well, I guess I can manage without you. I was hoping to avoid the Spanish Inquisition another week, but I know they will want one of us there."

"I think it might be best if you just get it over with, rip the bandaid off," Rory said.

"I think it will be more like a limb amputation, but you're probably right. They're going to find out eventually," she sighed.

Rory gave her mom a tight hug and looked her in the eye, "Call me if you need anything, ok? Day or night I'll be here. I love you."

"Thanks, sweets. You're a good kid," Lorelai said with her first genuine smile in days.

Rory left as suddenly as she arrived. One last hug and kiss at her car and she was off, once again leaving Lorelai alone in the big, quiet house.


	7. Chapter 7

Lorelai plucked nervously at her dress as she stood in front of the Gilmore mansion. Rory had pushed her to go to Friday night dinner even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. She had no desire to admit to her parents that her relationship was officially over. Although she had confessed to her mom already that she and Luke were having problems, it was something else to admit that the relationship was over. She didn't think she could handle seeing the disappointment in their face when she told them she failed again.

Smoothing her dress one last time, she reached out and rang the doorbell before she could stop herself. She stood nervously, shifting her weight on her feet as she waited for the door to open. The door opened, startling her from her thoughts and she looked up to see her mother's maid of the week standing in front of her.

"Hi, I'm Lorelai - the daughter. I'm here for dinner," she stated.

"Come in, let me take your purse," said the maid nervously, gathering Lorelai's things.

"Lorelai! So good to see you this week. Come in and let's get you a drink. Martini?" Emily stalked over and dragged Lorelai into the living room.

Lorelai sat quietly on the settee, watching as her mother prepared her a martini. Her hands shook nervously as she tried to get a grip on herself, and she clasped them tightly in her lap to conceal the tremor.

Before she could open her mouth, the doorbell rang. Lorelai looked at her mom quizzically and asked, "Are you expecting someone else? Rory said she couldn't make it this week."

"Well, I thought we just had so much fun with Christopher last week that I'd invite him again this week. He's still in town and jumped at the chance to come," Emily said with a smile on her face, handing Lorelai the martini.

Lorelai's heart stopped when Emily uttered Christopher's name. Her hands shook badly and she spilled her martini down the front of her dress.

"Lorelai! Honestly, I don't know what has gotten in to you! Where are your manners?" Emily chastised as she handed Lorelai a napkin. Lorelai pressed the napkin to her dress, attempting to clean up the spill. A weight settled on her chest, making it difficult to breathe.

"Hey, Lore! Long time no see!" Christopher said with a megawatt smile as he entered the room.

He strolled over to the couch where she sat frozen in shock and sat down next to her.

"Emily, thank you again for the invite," Christopher gushed with a smile. "I didn't have any plans and I'm always up for a night with some of my favorite Gilmore girls."

He slung an arm around Lorelai as he sat on the couch. Lorelai's face was white and she trembled at the feeling of his arm around him. She was completely blindsided at the turn the evening had taken.

"I...I need to go freshen up," Lorelai stammered as she extricated herself from Chris.

Forcing herself not to run from the room, she walked as calmly as she could upstairs and into her old room. Shutting the door behind her, she slid to the floor and breathed heavily. Her heart thudded wildly in her chest and she struggled to breathe. Her breaths came in wheezing gasps as she struggled to maintain control of herself. Clasping her arms tightly around herself, she tried to hold herself together. Tears leaked out of her eyes and she struggled not to sob. Stumbling to her feet, she barely made it to the ensuite bathroom before she fell before the toilet and panted over the toilet and struggled to control herself. It wouldn't do to fall apart; Emily would notice right away if something was amiss. There was no way she could tell her parents about the break up, not now, not with Christopher here. One thing was certain, she couldn't stay for dinner with him here and pretend everything was okay.

She heard a knock on the door of her bedroom before it creaked open. Shooting up in a panic, she attempted to wipe the tears away from her face. She heard footsteps across the carpet and struggled to compose herself.

"Are you ok, Lore?" Christopher asked, pausing in the doorway as he took in her form frozen in front of him. Tear tracks glistened in the mascara stains on her cheeks and her eyes were red and bloodshot.

"What are you doing up here?" Lorelai questioned shakily, nervously wiping at her cheeks.

"Look, your mom invited me and I couldn't say no. I told you I wanted to talk to you and I thought this would be the perfect opportunity," Chris explained.

"I can't...I can't do this right now. I don't want to see you, let alone talk to you here, at my parent's house!" Lorelai hissed at him. Turning away from him, she crossed to the sink and splashed some water on her cheeks. Washing away the mascara and tear tracks, she thought about what she was going to do.

"I'm sorry, Lore. If you would just have given me a chance to explain earlier when I called, I wouldn't have come tonight," he said walking over to her and placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Lorelai shrieked, pulling away from him. She turned from him and leaned her weight on her hands on the edge of the sink, clasping the edge tightly in her hands.

"Come on Lore," he pleaded. "Don't be like that. You are just as guilty for everything that happened as I am. You were the one that showed up at my door. I just went along with it."

"I was distraught!" She yelled, whirling to face him. "You could have chosen not to sleep with me! You could have turned me down! I might have been upset with you in the moment, but I wouldn't be saddled with this feeling of overwhelming guilt and disgust. I would have slept off my hangover and gone home. Luke and I may not have gotten back together, but at least we maybe could have been friends. Sleeping with you ruined any chance I might have had of keeping him as a friend."

Christopher's face softened as she took in how upset she was. Honestly, he did feel guilty for sleeping with her that night, but he'd never been able to resist her. He had hoped against all hope that her showing up had meant that she was ready to try something again. She had been the one to kiss him first and he just went along for the ride, hoping that a night with her would rekindle the undeniable attraction that had always existed between them.

Lorelai continued on, growing shriller as she continued, "And then, I tried to get you to stop and you wouldn't and do you know what that did to me? That crushed me Christopher! That hurt worse than all the crap Luke put me through these last couple months. I can't believe you would betray me like that. You raped me Chris..." Lorelai's last sentence came out in a whisper and she dissolved into tears.

Christopher stood frozen in place before he stuttered, "What? No...no...that wasn't rape...you wanted it Lore. I asked you if you were sure and you said yes. I...I would never do that to you." His face was pale and for once he was at a complete loss as to how to charm the woman in front of him.

Lorelai looked at the ground as she whispered brokenly, "It became rape when I said stop and you wouldn't. I tried to push you off, but you told me to be quiet. I wanted to stop...I know it wasn't fair to lead you on and I shouldn't have kissed you in the first place...but you should have stopped. Why didn't you stop?" She pleaded with him.

The agony on her face shook him to his core and he was utterly speechless. She had a strange look in her eyes, as if she was begging to understand what had happened between them. He'd never seen her look at him like that and it cut at him like a knife. The repercussions of his actions were beginning to settle in and he felt himself at a loss of how he was going to begin to fix it.

"I...I didn't think you were serious Lore...I don't know why I didn't. I was just so caught up in the moment. I would never hurt you, you know that," he begged her, trying to turn the situation around.

"I can't be here tonight with you Christopher. I can't trust you right now. I know you won't do something like that again, but I don't know if I can ever be your friend again. I need time to work everything out...my life is such a mess now. I need time," she whispered, looking away from him.

He caught the pain in her eyes as she struggled to control herself. Once again wiping the tears from her face, she brushed past him and back into her room. He stood there silently as she passed, giving her the space she obviously needed. After taking a moment to compose herself, she left the room, glancing once more at the man who still stood frozen in the bathroom.

Descending the stairs, she heard her parents arguing.

"Mom? Dad?" She said hesitantly as she entered the room.

Emily and Richard whirled around to face their daughter.

"I'm sorry, but I need to go. I'll come for dinner next week, but right now I really need to leave," she managed to stutter.

Her parents stood dumbfounded for a moment before Emily broke the silence, "We have a guest, Lorelai. It is incredibly rude to walk out before we've even sat down for dinner. I don't understand what has gotten in to you tonight. Your behavior has been appalling."

Lorelai stared at her mother before turning on her heel and heading toward the front door. Grabbing her purse, she wrenched open the front door. Not bothering to close it behind her, she jumped in her car and roared out of the driveway, leaving silence behind her.

Emily and Richard stood in silence, staring through the open front door at the spot occupied just seconds ago by their daughter's car. The silence was broken by Christopher, who had shuffled down the stairs. He stuck his hand out to shake Richard's hand and spoke, "Richard. Emily. Thank you for the dinner invitation, but I'm afraid I can't stay either. Have a good evening."

He turned and left, shutting the door behind him with a soft click.

* * *

 **AN:** Thanks again for all the kind reviews. I apologize for not addressing everyone individually, but I hope everyone knows how much I appreciate you all taking the time to read my story. This might not have been the big confrontation between Chris and Lorelai that people wanted to see, but I think she is still so hurt that she doesn't have it in her to really hash it out with him and have a big argument - plus she wouldn't want to get to into it at her parent's house.

This story will continue to be fairly angsty and probably OOC for several more chapters. I've tried not to make anyone too OOC, but the very nature of this story is OOC. Hopefully they are all still fairly believable, even when placed in a situation that would never be canon. I know season 7 stories are tricky as there are many different opinions on who was in the wrong and right in Partings and afterwards. In my opinion, Luke was one of the biggest reasons the relationship fell apart. She would never have gone to Chris if he hadn't been pushing her away for months on end and then rejected her ultimatum. I do also think that Lorelai believed they were broken up when she went to Chris. However, I also think that in Luke's eyes, they were not broken up. So I think Luke considers her a cheater, and Lorelai considered them broken up. It's very reminiscent of the episode of Friends when Ross sleeps with another girl while he and Rachel are on a break. She believes he cheated, he insisted they didn't because they were on a break. Neither camp is really right or wrong. In my story, I DO have Lorelai feeling like she is a cheater for going to Chris even though this does not really follow what we were told in the show. I do believe she regretted sleeping with Chris (I mean - her face says it all when she wakes up), but not because she believes she cheated, but that she shouldn't have slept with someone else so soon. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I know there are different camps for people and I'm not trying to say what happens in my story is in any way "right" or "correct" in relation to the canon story. So I hope that anyone reading this can see this is just how **I** want my story to go - for my version of Lorelai I need her to feel guilty for going to Chris to help explain the depth of her emotional pain. The situation with Chris is a whole other source of pain entirely and adds to the pain of the situation with Luke.

Sorry for the ramble if you made it all the way to the end. Basically, to summarize, I know Partings has a lot of different meanings to different people and that this story is just one person's perspective on the situation.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** It appears that reviews aren't updating quite right, so I'm unable to respond to any as of this posting. I can see at least 5 have been added since I uploaded chapter 7, but they aren't showing up for me to read. Regardless, thank you to my mystery reviewers and I hope to be able to read what you have to say soon! Now, onward with the story! Also, please let me know if you think the plot is moving along too slow? I feel like I'm rehashing some of the same stuff over and over, but I'm really trying to set the tone and mood of the story.

* * *

Lorelai drove home in a daze, clutching the steering wheel tightly, tears streaming down her face. The encounter with Christopher had shaken her badly. Him showing up at dinner was the last thing she had expected. She couldn't get the expression on his face out of her head when she had accused him of raping her; he looked like he had been slapped. She knew the term was justified, but she also knew that it had hurt him deeply.

She gave a short laugh, unable to believe that she was caring that she had hurt him with her words. He had hurt her far worse with his actions. She was still having trouble sleeping at night. Persistent nightmares were still plaguing her, though none were all that graphic. They mostly consisted of flashes of his hands caressing her and the "I love you" he had panted into her ear. His actions showed anything but love, only selfishness and greed. She cringed as she forced the thought out of her head.

Before she knew it, the short drive from Hartford to Stars Hallow was over and she was pulling into her driveway. The house loomed dark and quiet in front of her. The silence closed in on her as she stepped into the foyer and the darkness cloaked her like a blanket. Flicking a light on, the living room was filled with warm light. Sighing heavily, she collapsed onto the couch. The encounter with Christopher had drained her and she was utterly exhausted. Not bothering to change out of her dress, she slipped her heels off and collapsed onto the couch. Pulling a blanket from the back of the couch, she wrapped it around herself, falling into a deep sleep.

Hours later she was roused from her sleep, blinking at the glare of the light flooding the room. Stumbling slightly as she stood, she turned off the light in the living room, once again shrouding the house in darkness. She wandered into Rory's room, where she slipped off her dress and bra, pulled on a t-shirt, and climbed into bed. She clasped a pillow to her chest, comforting herself with its softness as she buried her face in it. Inhaling deeply, she caught a whiff of a smell that nearly caused her heart to stop. _Luke_. The pillow must have somehow found its way from her room upstairs down into Rory's room. Shaking, she threw the pillow across the room in anger. She sat in bed, wheezing as memories engulfed her. Images of him sleeping in her bed, him playing with her hair, him making love to her flickered in front of her, like scenes from a silent movie. Those images were quickly followed by the more painful ones from recent months. Her finding out he kept April a secret for two months, him becoming distant and absent, him rejecting her plea to finally marry.

She gave a scream of anguish as she rocked herself back and forth on the bed. The hurt Luke had caused her over the last few months of their relationship did nothing to dull the memories of the pure joy and happiness she had felt with him before everything had fallen apart. The wound of their aborted relationship festered, even though she knew for her own sanity it would have been impossible to continue their relationship in the reality it had deteriorated in to. Christopher's betrayal was the added salt to the gaping wound in her heart, tearing at her until she wasn't sure who she was anymore.

She groaned as she slumped back down onto the bed. She just wanted a moment of peace from the torment that her mind was causing her. There had been a lot of hurt and pain in her life, but she had never allowed it to affect her like it was now. It was like she was damaged, her heart fractured into so many pieces she didn't know how she would ever tape it back together again. Staring at the ceiling, she resolved to try and heal herself. Living in the pain was getting her nowhere. Perhaps if she forced herself to appear happy, the pain would eventually dull. She could live with a dull throb for the rest of her life if she had to. Anything was better than the searing fire that now consumed her. She lay there quietly, staring at the ceiling, until her eyes finally drifted shut and she fell into a restless sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Lorelai walked into the kitchen of the inn in a cheerier mood than Sookie had seen her in days. Sookie's eyes roved over her and she noted that for the first time in over a week, Lorelai was impeccably dressed, her hair styled in loose curls, and her makeup perfectly applied. It was only when she got up close that Sookie could see the lines of fatigue on Lorelai's face and the shadows under her eyes carefully hidden by a layer of makeup.

"Hey sweetie. You here for some coffee? How about a fresh apple fritter? I just finished making some for breakfast," Sookie said brightly, glad to see Lorelai looking more like her usual self.

Sookie pressed a steaming cup of coffee into Lorelai's hands and followed it with a plate piled high with warm fritters. The heat from the fresh fritters made the glaze melt into little pools on the plate. Lorelai inhaled deeply, a smile on her face.

"These look amazing, thanks Sook," she said gratefully, taking a sip of coffee.

Sookie smiled widely, happy to see her friend eating again. In the week since the breakup, Lorelai's once insatiable appetite had dimmed. Sookie knew better than anyone how much Lorelai ate, and her absence from the kitchen had not gone unnoticed. The two chatted for a bit before Lorelai returned to her office. Shutting the door behind her, she let the smile fall from her face. She had decided that she would try her best to be in a better mood around Sookie and any other townie she might cross paths with. She was tired of the endless pitying looks and questions of how she was holding up. If one more person asked her how she was doing, she might scream. What she didn't consider was just how hard it was to act like the old Lorelai. As much as she tried to hide it, the wound in her heart was still there, infecting everything.

* * *

Lorelai slumped home at the end of her shift to find the light blinking on her answering machine. Presenting the old Lorelai had been an exhausting endeavor. While the jokes and witty banter hadn't flowed quite as easily from her mouth as it used to, she felt she made an admirable effort. Sookie had definitely seen the difference and the smile on her face had reassured Lorelai that she was making progress. Turning her attention back to the answering machine, she held her breath as she waited for the first message to play.

"Lorelai. It's your mother. We need to talk about your appalling behavior at dinner on Friday. First you made a mess of your dress, then you rushed from the room like someone was after you, then your stormed out! I honestly don't know what came over you. Poor Christopher was so embarrassed by your actions, he left without staying for dinner. How could you embarrass us like that! I expect to see you and Rory both next Friday and you better be on your best behavior. I won't accept anything less after that horrible display you put on."

Lorelai cringed as she listened to her mother's shrill voice echo through the house. She slumped to the floor, listening as her mother droned on. Of course, Christopher still somehow came out looking like the angel her parents always believed him to be. She sighed heavily. Her tenuous relationship with her parents was always measured by one step forward, two steps back. This time she had definitely taken more than two steps back. She had known her mother would be livid after her abrupt exit from dinner, but there was no way should could have sat at the table across from Christopher and made small talk the whole evening. The sound of the beep startled her from her thoughts and she waited breathlessly for the next message, a knot of apprehension forming in her stomach.

"Hey Lore, it's Chris. I just wanted to talk to you again. We didn't really get a chance to on Friday. I know your parent's house wasn't the best place to talk, but I was desperate. I just wanted to let you know you made me realize just how badly I screwed up. I know you don't want to talk to me, and that's fine. I just wanted to call you again to apologize. That night shouldn't have ended the way it did. I...I shouldn't have done what I did and I'm sorry. Look, I won't call you again until you make the initiative to contact me first. I want you to be able to trust me, so I'm going to give you some space. Just, don't take forever, ok? I miss my friend."

Lorelai leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes as Christopher's voice filled the house. A headache pulsed in her temple and the last vestiges of the good mood she had been in all day melted away. Her stomach was a jumbled mess of nerves as she listened to his message. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard him say that he wouldn't call her again. The relief turned to anger when she heard the end of his message. A _friend_ wouldn't do what he did to her. His actions were the ultimate betrayal, the one thing she wasn't sure she would ever be able to forgive him for.

Groaning, she lifted herself off the floor and headed into the kitchen. She rummaged through her cupboards and managed to find a bottle of tequila. She found a shot glass and filled it, then knocked it back in one quick, well practiced motion. A grimace crossed her features as the alcohol burned its way down her throat. Another shot was knocked back, quickly followed by a third. She swirled the tequila around the bottle, mesmerized by the golden liquid sloshing around. She replaced the bottle of tequila in the cupboard and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge. It wouldn't do to drink too much and have to content with a hangover in the morning. The bottle of water was quickly gulped down and she headed into Rory's room to go to sleep. She curled up under the covers, allowing her body to relax into the comfortable numbness the alcohol afforded her. Thoughts swirled hazily around her mind, dull and sluggish from the tequila, before she drifted off to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** I'm so sorry for the delay in posting. This chapter gave me a lot of trouble, but I don't think it turned out too bad. I've gotten kind of stuck in my head worrying about chapter length and it's made it difficult to write. I get too focused on word count and it makes it hard to sit down and just let the story happen. Saying that, this is I think my longest chapter to date at almost 2400 words, which is good for me. Maybe next time I'll hit 3000. As always, thanks for the reviews and let me know what you think!

* * *

The following morning, Lorelai groaned as her alarm shrilled loudly. She stumbled out of bed and began to get ready for the day. Sifting through her closet, she ran her fingers through her clothes, deciding what to wear. Plucking a dress from its hanger, she held it up against her frame. Turning to look in the mirror, she frowned at her reflection. She really needed to do something about the state of her hair and her face was pale and colorless. Sighing, she placed the dress back on the hanger and jammed it into her closet. Instead she grabbed a pair of simple black dress slacks and a blouse. The pants and shirt were wrinkled, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

Pulling her hair into a ponytail as she walked down the stairs, she headed into the kitchen. She stared longingly at her coffee maker before making the decision to head into town for coffee. She grabbed her keys and jumped into her jeep before she could change her mind. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves as she drove slowly to Weston's. This would be her first real foray into town since the break up. Everything within a 10 mile radius of Luke's had been carefully avoided, which basically meant the entire town, with the exception of the Dragonfly. Pulling up in front of Weston's, she sat for a moment in her car. She forced herself not to look in the direction of Luke's, afraid of even the possibility of catching a glimpse of him. Plastering a smile on her face, she exited the jeep. Bracing herself for a confrontation with someone she knew in Weston's, she pushed open the door.

Keeping her eyes focused on the ground, she walked up to the counter.

"Coffee, to go please," she said quietly.

"Lorelai!"

Lorelai groaned internally as she heard Babette yelling her name. Making sure the smile was firmly plastered on her face, she turned around. Babette was waving wildly at her from a table in the corner she shared with Miss Patty.

Grabbing her coffee, she made her way over to the table.

"Hi Babette, hi Miss Patty," she said brightly.

"Lorelai, doll! We haven't seen you around here all week. How are you doing, sugar" Babette looked at her with wide eyes.

"I've been a little busy with work so I haven't had time to come to town for coffee," Lorelai said carefully, praying the ladies wouldn't probe her for information.

"Well sugar, we sure have missed seeing you around. Say, I haven't seen Luke around your house lately. Everything ok with you two?" Babette pressed her, sharing a glace with Miss Patty when she said Luke's name.

News of the confrontation in the street outside the diner the previous Friday had spread like wildfire. Details of the night were scarce and rumors flew fast and wild about what had happened. No one had been close enough to hear any words, only to observe them both gesticulating wildly at each other before Lorelai had stormed off, leaving Luke standing in front of the diner with slumped shoulders. Onlookers had watched as Luke stared after Lorelai before finally turning around and slumping into the diner. Babette and Miss Patty had been desperate to find out more about what happened, both out of concern for Lorelai and their love of juicy gossip.

"I...I don't really want to talk about it Babette," she said quietly, averting her eyes. She clasped her coffee tightly in her hands, trying to control the trembling in them that had started as soon as the name Luke had been uttered.

Miss Patty chimed in trying to lighten the mood, "Oh honey. Well, you know I thought my third husband and I would be together forever, but it turned out it wasn't just meant to be. Don't get me wrong, the sex was fantastic, but you never can tell when a man is going to disengage and get bored."

Babette turned to face Miss Patty and said indignantly, "Now my Morey isn't like that. We're soul mates we'll be together forever. That man would do anything for me."

Lorelai stood quietly, observing the two of them continue banter. She knew Babette and Patty were just trying to cheer her up, but hearing about Patty's failed marriages just reminded her of all her failed relationships. She didn't want to be like Miss Patty, moving from man to man. When Babette noticed Lorelai wasn't joining the conversation, she nudged Miss Patty, silencing her. "Well, sugar, you best get to work. You'll be stuck here all day if you listen to all of Patty's stories. Will we see you around town soon?"

"Yeah Babette. I'll be around," Lorelai said with a small smile.

With slumped shoulders, she turned and left Weston's. Babette and Miss Patty stared after her as she walked to her car, heads bent together as they continued to talk about her and Luke. Climbing into her car, Lorelai sat for a moment. Against her will, tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes, sliding down her cheeks. Angrily, she rubbed her cheeks with the back of her hands and willed herself to stop crying.

* * *

By the time Lorelai had reached the inn, the only give away of her mini breakdown were her slightly bloodshot eyes. She snuck into her office, not quite ready to face Michel or Sookie yet. She needed time to compose herself before facing anyone else.

She sat at her desk, turning her cell phone over and over in her hands while she stared blankly at it. Flipping it open, she scrolled through her contact list, pausing at the entry for one Luke Danes. Before she could stop herself, she pressed the send button.

The phone rang once, twice, and then there was a moment of silence before "Luke's" came over the line in his voice. Heart pounding, she slammed her phone shut and threw it on her desk. It clattered loudly before coming to a rest. Taking great gulps of air, she tried to slow her racing heart.

What had she been thinking?

The silence in her office pressed in on her and she found herself needing a distraction. Carefully, she once again picked up her phone. This time she hit speed dial one and her daughters name flashed on the screen. She leaned back in her desk chair listening to the phone ring.

"Mom?" Her daughter's voice came over the line and Lorelai felt her heart rate slow at the sound.

"Hey kid," she managed to get out.

"Is everything ok mom?" Rory asked, picking up on the tension in Lorelai's voice.

"I'm ok, sweets. I just missed talking to my beautiful daughter and needed to hear your voice. Now be nice to mommy and tell me all about what's going on with you."

Lorelai relaxed as she listened to her daughter babble on about Yale, Paris, and Logan. Appropriate responses were interjected into the conversation and Lorelai found herself on autopilot, the familiar banter with her daughter flowing from her lips with little thought or effort.

"So mom...how was dinner on Friday?" Rory finally asked, turning the conversation in a more serious direction. She hadn't heard anything from her mother about how dinner went and she was dying to know if she had told her grandparents about the breakup.

"It was...I...my mom invited your dad," Lorelai said eventually, tension thrumming through her body at the subject.

There was a pause before Rory responded, "What? Dad was there?"

"Yeah, talk about an unwanted guest," Lorelai said glumly. "I got so upset that he was there that I stormed out before we even sat down for dinner. My mother was furious."

"So you didn't tell them about you and Luke?" Rory pressed her mom.

"I couldn't Rory...not with your dad there. They expect both of us at dinner on Friday and I don't know what I'm going to do. My mother is already furious at me for leaving early last week, its going to turn into World War 3 when I tell them about Luke. She left a message and went on and on about how much I embarrassed her."

"Are you going to tell them about you and dad?" Rory asked hesitantly.

"I can't, Rory. It's bad enough that this thing with Luke is hanging over me. She'll probably want to throw a party when she finds out we aren't together anymore. Throw in the thing with Chris and she'll throw a parade, maybe set off fireworks and rent a confetti canon. You know how she has always wanted Chris and I to make it work. I can't listen to her tell me how I'm throwing my life away by not getting back together with your dad," Lorelai wailed.

"We'll figure something out mom. Maybe she doesn't have to find out about dad," Rory said.

"She is already wondering why I ran out of there once I saw Chris. I'll have to come up with some reason that I didn't want to stay for dinner with him there. I don't know...maybe I should just tell the truth. If I lie and she finds out, I'll never hear the end of it. I should just get it over with. If I tell her before we get to drinks, I'll still have time to run out of there and let you run damage control," Lorelai rambled, a million thoughts running through her head.

"I'll try to think of something, mom. Hey, I have to run. I have a class to get to. Call me later if you need me. I love you," Rory said.

"Alright sweets. Thanks for talking mommy off a cliff. I'll see you later. Love you kid," Lorelai said, hanging up the phone.

Leaning back in her desk chair, she sighed heavily. She was absolutely dreading dinner on Friday. Rory's assurances that everything would be ok did nothing to calm to storm raging in her stomach.

* * *

The rest of the week flew by for Lorelai in a haze of work and unbearable loneliness. Making a conscious effort to draw attention away from herself, she tried to stick to her regular working hours. No more coming in early and staying late into the night. She forced herself to remain either in her office or at the front desk, overseeing Michel and interacting with guests. The end result was she had hours to spend alone in her big, empty house.

Most evenings she spent hours wandering from room to room, fingers trailing along the walls as she walked around numbly. Memories good and bad flitted in and out, sometimes bringing a smile to her face, other times, tears. Here was the spot where Luke patched the window she had tried to fix with saran wrap and Hello Kitty bandaids. There was the spot Luke had dove to catch Stella, breaking one of her lamps. The spot in the foyer made her think of the moment Luke had come crashing through her front door and wrapped her in a passionate kiss after their first breakup. Inches away from that spot was the spot where the kissing had led to unbridled makeup sex against the wall, then on the floor, and finally, in their bed. One room she made a conscious effort to avoid in her wandering was her bedroom. She still found herself unable to face the big empty bed, the double sink in the newly remodeled bathroom that was only half used, and the beautiful new shower that was host to many memories that made her blush.

Sooner than she realized, it was Friday again and she was faced with the prospect of dinner with her parents. She had no idea what to expect from the evening. A flagellation was certain, though to what extent was unknown. She wondered if it would be another dinner that ended with her storming out of the house, unable to stand another minute of the ridicule her mother dished out towards her. This time she would at least have Rory to act as a buffer.

As she got ready for the evening, she took great care with her appearance. She didn't want to give her mother any more ammunition to use against her. Her hair needed to be perfect, her makeup immaculate, and her dress perfect. She searched through her closet looking for something that would meet the approval of Emily Gilmore's standards. She rifled through the colorful clothing, trying to find something not too quirky or colorful. Finally, she settled on a floral, A-Line wrap dress. It was simple without being too casual. After wrapping it around herself and tying the knot at the waist, she looked at herself critically in the mirror. Leaning in close, she tried to determine if her mom would notice the dark circles under her eyes that couldn't be completely covered up. Her fatigue seemed to be permanently etched on her face.

Nervously, she smoothed her hair down one more time, twisting the curls around her fingers. A cloud of perfume was spritzed into the air and she twirled around it it, letting it delicately drape over her. She rifled through her closet once more, looking for a purse to match her dress. Finally, she located a plain black clutch that paired well with her outfit. She glanced over at her fuzzy alarm clock and she panicked when she noticed it was already 6:15. She flew down the stairs and hopped around the living room trying to put her heels on as she ran out of the house.

She clasped the steering wheel tightly in her hands as she flew through the streets towards Hartford. In no time at all, she was pulling up in front of the Gilmore mansion. The house loomed imposing in front of her and suddenly she felt like she was 5 years old again. With a sigh of relief, she saw Rory's car already in the driveway. She made her way slowly up to the front door and stood silently, gathering up the courage to ring the door bell. Before she could change her mind, she pressed the button, hearing the ring echo through the house.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:** Thanks for the continued interest in my story, on with the next chapter! As always, I take full credit for any spelling or grammar errors as I don't have a beta. I try my best to catch them when proofreading, but its inevitable something will slip by. For example when rereading what I've posted already, I noticed in a previous chapter I spelled Stars Hollow wrong - yikes! .

* * *

Lorelai stood waiting for the front door to open, wringing her hands nervously. She shifted her feet, unable to contain the tension that thrummed through her body.

The door opened and startled, Lorelai looked up to see the maid staring at her.

"I'm here for dinner," she said weakly, stepping hesitantly through the front door.

Before she could take another step, someone tackled her in a tight hug.

"Mom!" Rory exclaimed happily, smothering her mom.

Lorelai returned the hug gratefully, drawing strength from her daughter. "Hey kid," she whispered.

Rory stepped back as she heard the click of shoes on the hardwood floor and Rory turned to see her grandmother approaching them.

"You're late, Lorelai," Emily said briskly, beckoning the girls to follow her into the sitting room.

"It's 7:03 mother, the world is not going to end because I was three minutes late," she said sarcastically, handing her purse off to the maid.

"The world may not end Lorelai, but the expectation is that dinner is at 7 and you are expected to be on time. After the little stunt you pulled last week, I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. It seems you've forgotten all your manners," Emily replied haughtily.

Lorelai's shoulders slumped as she followed her mother into the sitting room. Rory trailed behind her, observing her mom carefully. While Lorelai looked immaculately put together, Rory had seen the fatigue lining her face and noticed how her eyes had seemed dull and lifeless. She frowned as she remembered how her mom had seemed thin when she hugged her and she stared at her retreating form trying to see if it was noticeably visible.

"Coming kid?" Lorelai turned around, staring questioningly at Rory.

Rory plastered a smile on her face and followed her mom and grandmother into the sitting room. She smoothed her skirt down as she sat on the settee next to Lorelai.

"Richard will be down in a minute. Now, what would you girls like to drink?" Asked Emily

"I'll have a martini," Lorelai said.

"I'll just have a soda grandma," piped Rory.

Emily prepared the drinks and brought them over before sitting in the chair opposite the settee.

"Rory, I want to hear all about the event you had last week for the newspaper," Emily said warmly, smiling at Rory.

"Oh grandma, it wasn't a big deal," said Rory shyly. "The dean of the university was giving a speech and I was covering it for the paper."

"Rory, that sounds like a wonderful opportunity!" Emily gushed.

"Hello girls," said Richard walking into the room. "Sorry I'm a little late. I had a business call that ran longer than expected. Now Rory. What's this I hear about the speech you covered for the paper?"

Lorelai sat quietly as her parents spoke animatedly with Rory. An unexpected spark of jealously flared in her as she listened to her parents talk easily with Rory. Emily and Richard both spoke earnestly and nothing was said with hidden malice. She dreaded the moment the conversation turned to include her, as she expected insults to be casually dropped into the conversation by her mother at her expense.

"Dinner is ready Mrs. Gilmore," the maid announced, interrupting the conversation between Rory and her grandparents.

"Sarah, its very rude to interrupt a conversation. In the future, you must wait for a break in the conversation before interrupting," Emily said exasperatedly.

"Sorry Mrs. Gilmore. I didn't want dinner to get cold," the maid said timidly.

"Never mind, let's go eat," said Emily, standing up and walking into the dining room.

Lorelai hung back, taking a moment to calm herself. Now that Rory had exhausted the topic of Yale, the conversation was sure to turn to what was going on in Lorelai's life. All week Lorelai had tried to think of the best way to inform her parents of her broken engagement with as little detail as possible. She was hoping to avoid the topic of Christopher all together, but she assumed he would be brought up after what happened at dinner the previous Friday.

"Lorelai, did you forget how to walk? We're waiting for you to start dinner," Emily said, aggravation evident in her tone of voice.

Lorelai blushed and slunk into the dining room, muttering a quiet, "Sorry."

It was quiet as they all began cutting into their food. Emily began to talk at length about the latest event she was planning for the DAR and Rory feigned interest. Lorelai sat quietly, pushing her food around her plate. The food tasted like ash in her mouth and it was all she could do to choke down an acceptable amount. She didn't want to face the additional scrutiny Emily would bestow on Lorelai if she left her plate uneaten.

"Lorelai, I thought I told you that you needed to be on your best behavior tonight," Emily said suddenly. "You've been quiet and sullen all evening and frankly I'm inclined to ask you to leave."

Rory sent an apologetic look at her mom and tried to change the subject, "Grandpa, how is the insurance business treating you lately?"

"Rory, I'm talking to your mother. She hasn't participated in a single conversation all evening. Now, Lorelai. Why don't you tell us all why you felt the need to run off so suddenly last week. Poor Christopher had to leave he was so embarrassed and you completely humiliated me," said Emily, glaring at Lorelai.

Lorelai looked down at her plate and took a deep breath before blurting out, "I slept with Christopher."

Emily dropped her fork with a loud clatter as it hit the porcelain plate. Richard sat frozen with his drink halfway to his mouth, and Rory looked at her mom nervously. Lorelai closed her eyes and slumped down in her chair, unable to believe what she had just blurted out. She hadn't intended to tell them about Chris just yet.

Emily recovered quickly, picking up her fork and laying it gently on the table.

"I don't understand, you are engaged to Luke. While I was never very fond of Luke, I can't believe you would be so unrefined as to cheat on him! You've proven in the past you have commitment issues, just look at the situation with Max, but to sleep with someone else! I'm ashamed to call you my daughter, Lorelai," Emily finished her tirade, glaring at Lorelai.

Lorelai's cheeks burned in embarrassment and tears threatened to spill out of her eyes. Rory was looking at her mom with eyes filled with pity and Richard was studiously cutting into his chicken, avoiding getting drawn into the conflict.

Emily continued her rant, "Of all the poor choices you have made in your life Lorelai, this one is near the top. No wonder poor Christopher was so embarrassed last week. You know he's been in love with you since you were 16 and you were always too stubborn to give him a chance. If you had married him back then, your life wouldn't be such a train wreck. You go from man to man, never committing and always running. You are acting just like you are 16 all over again. I only hope you have managed to use protection this time. I don't think this family could handle the scandal of another pregnancy out of wedlock."

"Mom!" Lorelai interrupted her harshly, anger burning in her eyes.

"I will not sit here and listen to this. Not that it is any of your business, but Luke and I broke up. We were not engaged when I went to Christopher. It's nice to know my mother thinks I'm just a big slut who goes around cheating and sleeping with any man she comes across," Lorelai ranted.

"Lorelai! Language!" Emily interrupted, aghast at the crass words coming from her daughter's mouth.

"What, did I offend you with my word choice?" Lorelai said sarcastically.

"Lorelai, that's enough. That is no way to speak to your mother," Richard spoke up, glancing at Emily.

"I can't believe you guys are ganging up on me. Oh wait, I can, because I'm not Christopher. You always did like him better than you ever liked me, I'm surprised you didn't adopt him after I got pregnant. Why can't you ever consider that he isn't as perfect as you think he is. He hurt me!" She exclaimed out of anger. Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just let slip.

"What do you mean he hurt you?" Emily asked shrewdly, staring intently at Lorelai.

Lorelai attempted to backpedal from her slip, "Nothing. Forget it. Mom, dad, thank you for a wonderful dinner. I have to be going."

She stood up abruptly, pushing her chair back with a loud screech. For the second week in a row, Lorelai fled the room, leaving her parents staring at her in shock.

Rory sat awkwardly, pondering her mother's words. What did she mean? Christopher hurt her? It was obvious that her mother had let something slip that she hadn't intended to. She couldn't imagine her dad doing anything to hurt her mom. Had he gotten angry and hit her? She shuddered at the thought.

"Rory, what did Lorelai mean?" Emily pressed Rory, searching for information. "What exactly happened between your mother and Luke?"

"I...I don't really know grandma. Mom didn't tell me much, just that she and Luke had broken up. She said she went to dad's that night, but she didn't want to give me many details..." Rory trailed off, not wanting to air all of her mom's problems to Emily. She didn't want to betray her like that.

"Well, she always did have a flair for the dramatics. As if Christopher would do anything to hurt her," Emily reasoned.

"I'm sorry grandma, but I should go. I want to call mom and see if she's ok. I'm worried about her," Rory said softly, rising from the table.

"Tell your mother I didn't meant insult her," Emily said uneasily. "Perhaps I overreacted a bit. I've always had a hard time keeping my cool with Lorelai."

Rory raised her eyebrows at her grandma's uncharacteristic apology. Emily was never one to admit she was in the wrong. She looked at her grandpa, who was desperately trying to remain out of the conversation.

Rory walked over to Richard and gave him a hug before embracing Emily.

"Thanks for dinner. I'll see you next week," she said quietly, leaving her grandparents sitting silently at the dinner table.

* * *

Rory fumbled for her phone as she raced out to her car. As expected, her mom's car was nowhere in sight. Sitting in the driver's seat of her Prius, she pressed speed dial one and waited anxiously for her mom to pick up.

The phone rang and rang before Lorelai's voicemail message came on, "You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering device; this is "The Twilight Phone."

"Come on mom, answer the phone. What happened at dinner? I'm worried about you. I'm coming over, we need to talk," Rory frowned as she hung up. It wasn't like her mom to ignore her call.

Speeding through the streets of Hartford, she drove numbly towards Stars Hollow. She couldn't stop playing her mom's words in her head.

 _He hurt me._

She didn't understand what her mom meant. While Lorelai had glossed over the details of all that had happened, she hadn't given any indication that something sinister had happened. She sped towards home, resolving to get her mom to open up about what had happened.

* * *

Lorelai drove blindly through the streets, her eyes clouded with tears. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. How could she have blurted something like that out at dinner?

Her cell phone rang and startled her from her thoughts. Glancing down at it, she saw the name Rory flash on the screen. Biting her lip, she let the phone go to voicemail. She wasn't ready to face her daughter yet.

Speeding past her house, she drove straight to the inn. She hoped not going home would give her extra time to settle herself and decide what to tell Rory. She didn't know if she would be able to gloss over what she had revealed in the heat of the moment.

Slamming her car into park, she stumbled out of her jeep and practically ran to the stables. Her heels stuck in the soft grass and she kicked them off in her haste, stumbling and falling to the ground. She picked herself up off the ground and ran to the stable barefoot, then pushed the door to the stable open. Quietly, she approached Desdemona's stall.

"Hey girl," she whispered, petting the horse's velvety nose. "You up for some company?"

Desdemona nickered quietly and Lorelai unlatched the stall. Creeping inside, she sank down in the straw in the corner of the stall. Desdemona stepped over to her and lowered her head, sniffing at Lorelai inquisitively.

Lorelai stroked the horse's face, allowing herself to get lost in Desdemona's gentle eyes.

"I messed up tonight girl," she whispered. "I said something I shouldn't have and I don't know how I'm going to fix it. I never thought I'd say this, but my mom is right. My life is a train wreck."

Finally allowing the tears to fall, Lorelai sat in the stall, huddled in the corner. The straw poked at her through her thin dress, but she didn't care. She cried as she thought about the malice in her mother's words, insinuating she was easy. She cried for the way her dad had looked at her with eyes filled disappointment. No matter what, she always managed to fail them. Nothing she ever did would be good enough for them.

* * *

Rory roared up to the front of the Crap Shack and slammed her car into park. She frowned when she noticed her mom's Jeep wasn't in the driveway and the house was completely dark. Sitting in her car, she thought about where her mom might be. If this was three weeks ago, she knew her mom would be at Luke's ranting about dinner and having coffee and pie. But now,Lorelai was upset because of her situation with Luke and she hadn't stepped foot in the diner since the night of the breakup.

After thinking it over, she decided to try the inn. She knew her mom had been working overtime, and with the diner out of the question, working seemed like just the distraction her mom would be looking for. Sighing heavily, she headed towards the inn.

Relief flowed through her when she pulled up in front of the inn and saw the Jeep parked haphazardly out front. It was obvious her mom had been in a rush as the Jeep was parked diagonally across the lawn, nowhere close to being in a parking spot. Throwing open the door and hopping out of her car, she ran into the inn. She looked up only to find herself looking into the face of the night manager, Tobin.

"Hi Tobin, um, is my mom here?" Rory asked, glancing into the next room to see if she could see her mom.

"I'm sorry Rory. I haven't seen her this evening. Last I saw she was leaving to get ready to go to dinner," Tobin said cheerfully.

"Oh, ok. Well her Jeep's out front, so she must be here somewhere," Rory replied, worried that her mom hadn't come inside.

"You're welcome to go check her office Rory. Maybe I missed her come in," Tobin said warmly.'

"Thanks," she said gratefully.

She walked down the hallway until she came to her mom's office. Knocking gently, she questioned, "Mom?"

Hearing nothing but silence, she pushed open the door. The room was dark and quiet, with Lorelai nowhere to be seen. Rory frowned, growing more worried about where her mom was.

Walking slowly out the front door, she paused on the steps and looked around. She was about to walk to her car when she noticed a faint light coming from the barn. Squinting her eyes in the darkness, she could just make out the barn door cracked open. She started walking towards the barn and nearly fell when she tripped over something in the grass. Looking down, she noticed her mom's heels thrown on the ground. She furrowed her brown in concern. She picked up her mom's shoes and continued on towards the barn. The door creaked as it slowly opened and she paused in the doorway. Listening carefully, she heard sniffling coming from the direction of one of the stalls.

"Mom?" Rory whispered.

There was a pause and Rory heard the sniffling stop. She heard some rustling coming from Desdemona's stall and walked over. By the time she reached the stall, her mom was emerging from the darkness. Rory looked over Lorelai and noted the mascara and tear stains on her cheeks and the straw stuck to her dress.

"Hey sweets. You found me," she said softly.

"I think we need to talk. Do you want me to take you home?" Rory asked gently.

Lorelai nodded and allowed Rory to guide her to her car. She let Rory place her in the passenger's seat and she slumped against the window, utterly exhausted. A headache throbbed in her temple and she closed her eyes.

Rory hopped into the driver's seat and glanced over at her mom, worry clouding her features.

* * *

 **AN:** Once again, I apologize for the delay in posting. I was out of town for a week and a half and wasn't able to find time to write.

Generally I do not like scenes where Emily is portrayed as an evil person. While her character is problematic and she and Lorelai have a rocky relationship, she was never overtly cruel or vicious. I tried not to make Emily seem too evil here, as I'm trying my best not to make everyone completely unrecognizable from their canon character. So hopefully I portrayed her ok.

Ummmm I am not creative enough to come up with a voicemail message, so credit belongs to whoever came up with it and posted it on lol. Lorelai always had funny voicemail messages when we heard them on the show, so I thought one with a pop culture flair was appropriate.

I'm still mulling over in my head how to get where I want with this story. I have a chapter written that takes place roughly 2 weeks after this one. It was actually one of the first chapters I wrote and everything has been sort of leading up to it. Still trying to figure out how to get there in an interesting way that isn't just rehashing the plot from the beginning of the story. I feel like there are only so many chapters I can make of Lorelai at the inn or at home, so I'm stuck a tiny bit.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN:** Thank you so much for the reviews for the previous chapter. I'm glad that you guys felt that I kept Emily in character. Definitely trying my best to keep this story is the realm of semi believable, so your comments help assure me I'm not doing a completely terrible job lol.

As always, any mistakes I make are my own. I proofread as much as I can, but sometimes those pesky mistakes slip through when you've read over the same words dozens of times!

* * *

Lorelai sat silently the entire ride back to the Crap Shack. Rory kept glancing at her every few seconds, furrowing her brow at her mom's silence. The car slowed to a stop in the driveway and Rory stepped out of the car. When she noticed her mom made no move to remove herself from the car, she walked around the car and opened her door. Pulling on her elbow, she gently led her mom across the darkened yard and up to the silent house.

Lorelai stumbled after Rory like a zombie, unaware of her surroundings and it didn't even register that she was barefoot. Rory guided Lorelai up the front steps and they both paused in front of the door. For once, her mom's inclination to never lock the door paid off and Rory wasn't forced to rifle through her purse for her house key.

Pushing the door open, she flicked a light on and led her mom into the living room. Pushing Lorelai down on the couch, Rory sank down next to her and clasped her hand.

"Mom…I think we need to talk. I'm really worried about you and I can't stop thinking about what you said at dinner," Rory said softly.

Lorelai sank back into the couch and closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Rory and whispered, "Sweets…I…I can't."

"Come on mom, you need to talk to someone. You're obviously upset, maybe you'll feel better if you get it out," Rory reasoned.

Leaning forward and resting her head in her hands, Lorelai took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I don't know how to say what I need to say. I'm afraid you will hate me after I tell you what you want me to," Lorelai whimpered and began to cry.

Rory wrapped her mom in a tight hug and held her as she sobbed. Stroking her hair, she whispered, "You know I could never hate you. Just tell me what's going on. You said something at dinner and I need to know what you meant. Please mom."

"That night…at your dad's…something happened," Lorelai finally managed to get out between sobs.

"What happened, mom. I mean, I know you said you guys slept together, but something else obviously happened. Did he hit you?"

There was a beat of silence before Lorelai murmured, "No, he didn't hit me."

"You said he hurt you…what did you mean if he didn't physically hurt you. Did he say something that upset you?" Rory pressed.

"Hitting someone isn't the only way to hurt them," Lorelai whispered. She took a deep breath and continued, "It…it was my fault. I was the one that kissed him first. I initiated everything, I led him on…"

"What happened mom," Rory asked again, her nerves ratcheting up as her mom stumbled over her words.

"I just needed to feel something," she whispered. Slowly, she began to speak about that night, "At first it was ok. I was just numb. It's like I wasn't even in my body, like I was just floating over myself observing it all like a total stranger. I remember at one point glancing over and seeing the moonlight glinting on my ring and I realized what I was doing. I wanted to stop. I tried to get him to stop, but he wouldn't. I tried to push him off me, but he wouldn't stop…he wouldn't stop!" Lorelai's voice had risen to a anguished yell as the words spilled from her mouth uncontrollably.

Rory sat there, stunned. It took her a minute for her mind to catch up with what her mom was saying.

"Mom…did dad…rape you?" Rory finally managed to choke out, barely able to say the word rape. She felt nausea rise in her stomach as she waited breathlessly for her mom to answer.

"Yes, no, I don't know!" she cried out. "I started it. I thought I wanted it. It's my fault for leading him on. He was just doing what I wanted."

"Mom, no. It's not your fault. It doesn't matter who started it. The second you said stop he should have. God, how could he do that?" Rory cried, frustrated.

"Hey kid, it's ok. Don't be mad at him. Be mad at your super slutty mom for going over there in the first place," Lorelai mumbled. As much as her stomach turned at the mere thought of Christopher, she couldn't stand to wreck the tenuous relationship between him and her daughter. Things had been going so well between them lately. She didn't want to be the reason for their broken relationship.

"No mom, it's not ok!" Rory yelled, startling Lorelai. She clasped her mom's arm tightly, desperate to make her understand it wasn't her fault. Her anger for her father burned deeply inside her. "Mom, he raped you, ok? He raped you. You are not to blame in this situation, do you understand?"

Lorelai only sobbed in response, humiliated at the situation she found herself in. She had never wanted Rory to find out what happened that night and she couldn't believe she had lost her temper and let it slip at dinner. Hearing Rory say the word rape made her feel sick and bile rose in her throat. Suddenly, she shot off the coach, raced to the bathroom, and fell heavily in front of the toilet. She vomited up the meager contents of her stomach and slumped pathetically in front of the toilet. She felt a soothing hand running through her hair as she choked and sputtered.

"Shhhh mom. It's ok. Just breathe," Rory whispered.

"I'm sorry kid," she croaked out, once again humiliated that her daughter was witnessing her breakdown.

"It's ok mom. Just stay there, let me get you a cloth to wipe your face," Rory tried to soothe her mom.

Making her way to the sink, Rory grabbed a washcloth and ran it under cool water. She rang it out and walked back over to her mom, placing it on her neck. Lorelai was crouched on the floor, resting her head in her arms on the rim of the toilet, still crying. Rory ran her hand up and down her mom's back, trying to calm her. Slowly, Lorelai calmed and her sobs reduced to a quiet whimper. At some point, she had moved to sit slumped in front of the sink and allowed Rory to wipe her face with the washcloth.

"I'll be right back mom," Rory said before dashing out of the bathroom. Moment later, she returned with Lorelai's toothbrush and toothpaste. "I thought you might want to brush your teeth."

She tugged her mom up off the floor and held her arm as she stood in front of the sink. Lorelai reached out and grabbed the toothbrush with shaking hands. She fumbled with the cap on the toothpaste before Rory took it from her gently and unscrewed the cap. She squeezed a dollop onto the toothbrush in her mom's hand. Slowly, Lorelai brushed her teeth. She rinsed her mouth out and stood quietly, resting her weight on the sink.

"Come on, mom. Let's get you to bed," Rory guided her mom into her old room and sat her on the bed.

Sifting through the dresser, she found a pair of shorts and a shirt. She helped her mom change out of her dress and tucked her into bed. Lorelai huddled under the covers, shivering even though it wasn't cold. Rory climbed in behind her and pulled her mom close.

"It's ok mom, just sleep. I'll stay with you," she whispered.

Exhausted from her emotional evening and safe in the comfort of Rory's arms, Lorelai drifted off to sleep. Rory lay awake and listened to her mom's even breaths. Anger coursed through her body and she clenched her fists. Regret filled her as she recalled being angry at Lorelai. She had been angry with her mom for going to Christopher, but now her anger over that had vanished. She couldn't believe her dad would hurt her mom like that. For all the turmoil in her parent's relationship, she never dreamed that her dad would rape her mom. Her heart broke as she thought about the anguish in her mom's voice as she blamed herself for everything that had happened. No wonder her mom was hurting so much. Not only had she lost her relationship with Luke, she also had to deal with Chris' betrayal. Rory vowed right then and there that she never wanted to see her dad again. She didn't need a dad if he was going to abuse her mom like that.

When she was sure her mom was fast asleep, she crept out bed and left the room, closing the door softly behind her. She grabbed her cell phone and made her way out onto the front porch, conscious of how close she still was to where her mom lay peacefully sleeping. Scrolling through her contacts, she came to _Dad_ and anger flared up within her. It was late, but she needed to talk to him. She didn't want to hear his excuses, but she needed to tell him to stay away from them; she never wanted to see him again.

The phone rang and she took a breath to calm her nerves.

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" Her dad's cheerful voice came across the line. "To what do I owe the pleasure of a call from one of my favorite girls?"

"Cut the crap dad. I know what happened," Rory whispered vehemently into the phone.

There was a moment of silence before her dad answered nervously, "Um... what are you talking about kiddo?"

"I'm talking about you and mom. She told me what happened that night. How could you do that to her?" Rory said angrily.

"Look Rory, you don't know the whole situation. We were drunk and things got a little out of control. I didn't mean to hurt her, ok?" Christopher said carefully.

"I don't need a play by play to know that when someone says stop, you stop! How would you feel if Logan did that to me? You'd never forgive him for hurting me like that. I said it once before and I'm saying it again. Stay away from mom. I don't want you going anywhere near her or contacting her. You lost that right. In fact, stay out of my life too. I don't want to ever see you again," Rory said with finality.

"Rory, no. Please, just give me another chance," he begged. "I promise I'll stay out of your mom's life. I know I messed up, but please, don't cut me out of your life too. I can fix this."

"I have to go dad. Don't call me and don't come see me. Maybe one day I can forgive you, but until then I don't want to have anything to do with you," Rory said and snapped her phone shut before her dad had a chance to reply.

Rory lay on the couch on the porch, deep in thought. She thought back to Friday night dinner and grimaced when she recalled the comments her grandmother had made towards her mom. She had all but called her mom a slut and now Rory understood why it had so deeply affected her mom. No wonder why her mom had rushed out of the house, it was probably all she could do not to break down further in front of her grandparents. It was times like tonight that she desperately wished her grandparents could be as nice to her mom as they were to her. She knew their relationship was deeply troubled, but they never gave Lorelai the benefit of the doubt. Rory sighed deeply, wondering if the wounds of the past would ever heal. Now, it was even more unlikely as Rory worried that her grandmother had further alienated Lorelai with her comments.

Picking herself up off the couch, she headed back inside. She knew her mom hadn't been sleeping well and she didn't want her to wake up and find herself alone. The worn appearance of her mom's features and her recent weight loss were all the evidence Rory needed to see how much her mom was suffering because of what happened. Unfortunately, she had no idea how to begin to help her mom heal. Keeping everything locked up inside her was wreaking havoc on her mom's well being and she wondered if she could get her mom to maybe see a therapist.

She quietly opened the door to her room and was relieved to see her mom still sleeping peacefully. She crawled back into bed behind her and let herself relax. In the morning, she would see if she could get Lorelai to open up some more.

* * *

The early morning light crept through the curtains and fell across Lorelai's face, drawing her out of her slumber. She forced her eyes open, but closed them swiftly as the sunlight caused an instant headache to throb in her temple. Her eyes felt puffy and swollen, the result of another night spent crying herself to sleep. A comforting weight was pressed against her back and she smiled lightly as she heard Rory's quiet breathing behind her. Carefully extricating herself from her daughter's arms, she eased out of bed and padded into the living room. She slumped to the couch and placed her aching head in her hands. Just when she thought she was beginning to cope, something knocked her back down. She shuddered as she recalled her mother's harsh words and the look on her father's face. What hurt the most though, was Rory. Her baby. She couldn't get the look of shock on Rory's face out of her mind. She had seen the anger, horror, and pity flash across her features.

So lost in thought was she that she didn't notice Rory creep out of the bedroom and shuffle into the living room. It wasn't until she felt the couch cushion dip under Rory's weight that she registered she was there.

"Good morning sweets. Sleep ok?" She asked with a light smile, brushing a strand out of her daughter's face.

"I should be asking you that, mom," Rory replied.

Lorelai grimaced and said quickly, "I'm sorry about last night. I didn't mean to lose it like that. I never wanted you to see that."

"Don't apologize mom, its ok. I'm here for you," Rory said gently.

"It's just...I still see you as my little baby. I'm the mom. I'm supposed to be the strong one and take care of you. You aren't supposed to have to worry about me," Lorelai whispered.

"Mom, when I was growing up, you were all I ever needed. You always put my needs before yours, even if it meant sacrificing your happiness. I know you'll always see me as your baby, but I'm 21 now. It's ok to let me shoulder some of the burden now," Rory said softly.

A stray tear leaked out of the corner of Lorelai's eye and she grasped her daughter in a tight hug.

"Have you told anyone else about what happened mom?" Rory asked quietly.

Lorelai stiffened in her daughter's arms and answered uneasily, "No...just you."

Rory pulled away and looked her mom in the eye, "Have you thought about talking to someone? I know you probably don't want to talk to me about everything, but I think it might be good. I think you need help."

"No, I don't need to talk to anyone. I'm handling it, I'm fine," Lorelai said firmly, standing abruptly and pacing the room.

"Ok...well if you don't want to talk to a professional, maybe you can talk to Sookie. I just think you need a friend right now," reasoned Rory.

"I can't Rory...not right now. And really, it's fine. It...it wasn't that bad. I'm just overreacting," Lorelai answered unconvincingly.

"Mom. Stop. You aren't overreacting. It was a big deal. Someone you love hurt you in one of the most raw and unforgivable ways. Stop punishing yourself," Rory begged her. It was killing her to see how much her mom was blaming and punishing herself.

Lorelai stopped pacing and slumped back onto the couch. "I just need some time sweets," she said wearily.

"I know, I'm here for you. Just don't push me away. I can handle it," Rory said softly, stroking her mom's hair.

The pair lay on the couch for the rest of the morning, watching old movies. Lorelai drifted in and out of sleep, succumbing to her exhaustion, content in the knowledge that she was safe with her daughter.

* * *

 **AN:** It's funny how a story takes on a mind of its own. I had initially not intended for it to be turning out this way with Lorelai revealing her troubles at FND and subsequently Rory finding out what happened. I imagined Lorelai keeping it a secret a while longer, but I guess she needed to get her secret out now. So, Rory knows. This doesn't mean everything will be on the upswing, I still have some angst filled chapters planned. Anyone getting tired of my torture of Lorelai yet? Too bad, its not over yet, you had fair warning XD


	12. Chapter 12

**AN:** Onward! As always, thank you for the lovely reviews. They really encourage me to keep writing.

* * *

The rest of the weekend was spent marathoning old Judy Garland movies and eating Chinese from Al's. If it wasn't for the weight of the elephant in the room hanging over them, it would have felt just like the days before Rory left for college. The banter flowed between the pair as usual, if not a little forced. Conversation was kept to light topics and Chris, Friday night dinner, and the grandparents were strictly taboo.

As much fun as she was having, Lorelai felt like she was suffocating. Even though she loved having her daughter home, Rory's constant hovering was driving her to exhaustion. As they watched movie after movie, Lorelai could feel Rory glancing at her periodically. In the quiet between movies, Rory struggled to fill the silence with a constant chatter and her nervous rambling was beginning to get on Lorelai's nerves, which filled her with guilt. She just needed to be alone. It was exhausting putting up a front and engaging with Rory. All Lorelai wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep, but with Rory around, it simply wasn't a possibility.

"When are you going to head back to school? I need to know if I need to order one or two pizzas for dinner tonight," Lorelai asked suddenly, pausing the movie they were watching.

"I thought I'd stick around here another couple days. I only have one class on Monday and I don't have any exams this week," replied Rory, furrowing her brow as she looked at her mom.

"Rory, you need to go back to school. I'm fine, really," Lorelai said with a forced smile.

"Are you sure mom? I don't want to leave you before you are ready. You pushed me back to school last time and things didn't really get any better for you. I'm worried about you mom, I'm serious," Rory said, holding her mom's gaze.

Lorelai looked away before replying slowly, "I just need time, Rory. Seriously. Go back to school. I can take care of myself. Thanks for looking out for me, but I need to be the mom here."

"Mom," Rory said quietly. "We had this talk yesterday. You don't always need to be the strong one...it's ok."

Lorelai smiled tremulously, holding back tears. She grabbed Rory into a big hug, "Oh kid. What would I do without you?"

Rory pulled back and looked her mom in the eye, "Promise me you'll call me anytime you want to talk and I'm going to call you everyday. I want to make sure you aren't working too hard."

"You don't need to call everyday. I have been living by myself successfully for 3 years now," Lorelai said with a small smile.

Rory let out a small laugh, "Ok, mom.

Rory pulled her mom into a tight hug and kissed her cheek. "I love you mommy," she said softly.

Lorelai held on tight before extracting herself from Rory's arms. "You should get going. I don't want you driving back to school at night," she said.

"Let's finish the movie mom. I have plenty of time before I need to leave. It's only half an hour to school and I have driven at night before," she said with a laugh.

"I just worry about my favorite daughter," Lorelai said, her eyes twinkling.

"I'm your only daughter mom," Rory said with an eye roll.

"True, but you're still my favorite. Alright, we'll finish the movie and then you should get going," Lorelai said, relaxing back onto the couch.

She grabbed the remote and pressed play on the movie. Rory lay on the couch and snuggled into her mom. They finished the movie in companionable silence, Lorelai stroking Rory's hair and soaking up her remaining time with her daughter. Afterwards, they embraced each other tightly and Rory once again made Lorelai promise she would call if she needed to talk or needed a distraction. Lorelai agreed, if only to get Rory to stop worrying.

Lorelai stood on the porch and watched as Rory drove away. She gave a wave, dropping her hand tiredly as Rory rounded the corner out of sight. She trudged inside and slumped on the couch. Suddenly, the house seemed overwhelmingly quiet. For a moment, she regretted pushing Rory back to school and perhaps it would have been nice to have a couple more days together. She sighed heavily and turned the tv on. She flipped through the channels before landing on a mind numbing sitcom. Her eyes glazed over as she stared at the screen, not really watching what was on. The laugh track grated on her nerves and she turned the tv off and threw the remote across the room in frustration. It fell with a clatter as it hit the wall, breaking apart. A picture fell off the wall and the glass shattered into a thousand tiny, glistening pieces. The crash broke her from her reverie and she came to her senses, realizing the mess she made.

Groaning, she got to her feet and went to examine the damage. Kneeling down among the shattered glass, she delicately picked up the shattered picture frame and looked at the picture inside. The breath was knocked out of her when she realized it was a picture of her and Luke. She dropped the frame like it had burned her and jumped to her feet. She dusted her hands off on her pants and winced when she felt a sharp pain. Confused, she looked down at her hand to see blood oozing out of a cut on the palm of her hand and she could see a shard of glass embedded in the skin. Groaning at her stupidity, she managed to grasp the sliver and pull it out, gasping at the sharp sting of pain. For a second, she stood staring at her hand in morbid fascination before she let it fall limply to her side. Ignoring the harsh stinging, she trudged numbly into Rory's room and climbed into bed. She burrowed herself under the covers and pulled the blanket over her head, welcoming the darkness.

* * *

Lorelai awoke in the dark, early hours of the morning, well before dawn. Stumbling out of bed, she made her way to the bathroom. Her hand throbbed and in the harsh light of the bathroom and she could see the dried blood that decorated her skin. She hissed as she held the cut under cold water and watched the blood swirl down the drain. Once it was clean, she was able to see that it wasn't all the deep. Rooting around in the medicine cabinet, she managed to find some peroxide and a bandage. She let out a strangled yelp as the peroxide burned, and unbidden, tears came to her eyes. Closing her eyes at the pain, she gritted her teeth and finished cleaning the cut. She slapped a few Hello Kitty bandaids on it and returned to Rory's room. She flipped a lamp on, bathing the room in a soft glow. In the dim light, she could see spots of blood smeared across the sheets. Frustration filled her at the thought of her stupidness the night before. Angrily, she yanked the sheets from the bed and stomped to the washing machine. She doused the spots with stain remover and threw the sheets in the wash. Slumping down in front of the washing machine, she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, letting the steady sound of the washer lull her into a light sleep.

* * *

Rory sat in class staring out the window, completely oblivious to what was going on around her. She idly twirled her pencil around in her fingers as she sat deep in thought. Images of her mom flashed through her mind and Rory analyzed each and every one. She saw the look of utter devastation on her mom's face when she had revealed what happened to her. She saw the dozens of fake smiles her mom had flashed her way over the weekend. Lorelai may have thought she was fooling Rory, but Rory knew her mom better than anybody. The smile gracing her features had been stiff and the ever present sparkle in her eyes nowhere in sight. People who didn't know her might have believed those smiles, but not Rory.

Her head snapped up as she heard the noise of the students around her gathering up their bags and screeching their chairs across the floor. Guiltily, she looked down at her notebook to find it was completely blank. She sighed as she realized she spent the entire class zoning out and now she would be forced to ask one of her classmates for notes. Her belongings were shoved in her bag and she practically ran out of the classroom, overcome with a sudden urge to call her mom.

As she walked across campus, she dialed her mom.

"Hello?" Lorelai's voice came across the line.

"Mom," Rory replied happily, glad she caught her mom.

"What's up kid? Miss me already? It's been less than a day since you saw me," Lorelai teased.

"I was just finishing class and thought I'd call and see how you were doing. Are you at work?" Rory asked, trying to keep the conversation light.

"Yes and Michel has been driving me up the wall. The bathrobe bandits have made another reservation and Michel is beside himself. He's been trying to tie down anything in the room that can be taken and he's even trying to insist we don't give them any complimentary toiletries," Lorelai said exasperatedly, glad she had something easy to talk about with Rory.

"Don't you just charge them extra for the stuff they take?" Asked Rory.

"I've tried to tell him that, but he insists its the principal of the matter. Personally I don't see why they need to to have multiple bathrobes with Dragonfly Inn monogrammed on them, but I guess I should be flattered," said Lorelai.

"Well, only one of the top ten bed and breakfasts in Connecticut would have bathrobes nice enough to steal, so I'd consider it a compliment," Rory teased.

"Aw, thanks hon. Now, I have to go. I think I hear Michel telling the maid not to give them any towels to use, " Lorelai groused.

Rory laughed and said goodbye to Lorelai. She was relieved that her mom seemed to be getting back to her usual self. Smiling happily as she walked across campus, she headed to the library to spend the afternoon with her nose buried in her books.

* * *

Later that week, Rory stood outside the Gilmore mansion, gazing up at the imposing front door. She smoothed her skirt and reached out and rang the doorbell. It was only a moment before the door swung open to reveal the maid of the week staring at her.

"Hi, I'm Rory. I'm here for dinner," she said as she breezed into the house.

"Rory! So good to see you this week. Your mother isn't here yet, but we can get some drinks while we wait for her," Emily said, grabbing Rory by the arm and leading her into the sitting room.

"Grandma…mom isn't coming this week," Rory said slowly.

Emily halted in her tracks and Rory nearly ran into her.

"What do you mean she isn't coming to dinner? Well, it certainly was rude of her not to mention that. The cook made enough for four for dinner tonight and the maid has already set a place at the table," Emily said with annoyance.

"Grandma, she's not coming because of what you said to her last week. You upset her," Rory said.

"What I said? What about what she said? She was so vulgar, I can't believe she would behave that way. She has absolutely no decorum," Emily said firmly, walking into the sitting room and sitting primly on the couch.

"Grandma, please. I think you should apologize to her…I talked to her and she's not planning on coming back to dinner any time soon," Rory said, following her grandma and sitting down opposite Emily.

"What's this I hear about Lorelai not coming to dinner?" Richard asked, as he walked into the room.

"Rory said Lorelai is upset about what I said last week at dinner. Honestly, she should be apologizing to us for her behavior! Her behavior has just been totally erratic these past few weeks. I do not know what is up with her," Emily ranted.

"Grandma, she's upset. A lot of stuff happened and she's having a hard time coping with it all. You should have seen her after dinner last week grandma. She was really upset," Rory said softly.

"I can't imagine about what," Emily said exasperatedly.

"You! She's upset that you insinuated she sleeps around. You know how serious her relationship with Luke was. She told me you wanted to buy them a house for a wedding present. She was devastated when they broke up," Rory trailed off.

"Well if they were so in love, how did she end up at Christopher's?" Emily pressed.

"I don't know all the details and I don't think I'm the right person to tell you what happened. I think you should try and apologize. I know you guys don't always get along, but I think she needs us right now," Rory said softly.

"Well, I suppose I could call and invite her to dinner next week," Emily said stiffly.

The idea of reaching out and apologizing to Lorelai was practically unthinkable. The tenuous relationship she had with her daughter was always fraught with tension. Though Emily desperately wanted a better relationship with her daughter, the wounds of the past ran deep. It seemed no matter what she did, she couldn't keep her tongue in check around Lorelai. Every conversation was like a game of chess, each player hoping to outsmart their opponent and win the match. Inevitably, one player was bound to win and the other lose. Apparently, Emily had won the last match, though she wasn't at all pleased to hear from Rory that Lorelai was suffering.

"Thanks grandma," Rory said softly. "I'll do what I can to convince her to come with me next week."

"Thank you Rory. Your grandmother and I appreciate it," Richard said, stepping into the conversation. "I don't know what she is going through with her life right now, but I would like my daughter back at dinner."

The rest of the evening continued on with companionable chitchat. Rory talked at length about school and her work at the Yale Daily News. Emily entertained with little anecdotes from her afternoon playing bridge at the club and Richard droned on about his work at the insurance company. Every once in a while, Emily would glance longingly at the empty chair that was supposed to hold her daughter. She wanted desperately to rebuild the bridge that had been burned so many years ago. Begrudgingly, she had come to accept Luke as a fixture in her daughter's life and as much as his place in society displeased her, it was undeniable the happiness that he brought to Lorelai's life. After all, all a mother wants for her child is for her to find happiness.

The evening drew to a close and Rory was drawn into a warm, if not unexpected hug, by Emily.

"Thank you for a lovely evening Rory. I only wish your mother was here to enjoy it with us," she said, in a rare moment of honesty.

Rory smiled softly in return. Her mother's relationship with her grandmother was certainly a rollercoaster of emotions, but it genuinely seemed like Emily missed Lorelai. She hoped that maybe the two of them could begin to fix what had been broken for so long. While she knew Emily would probably never outright apologize for the things she said, Rory hoped that her mom would give her a chance. Unfortunately, her mom was so upset, Rory worried if she would even pick up the phone to listen to Emily.

After giving her grandfather a hug and kiss on the cheek, Rory got in her car and began the drive back to Yale, hopeful that maybe all was not lost between Emily and Lorelai.

* * *

 **AN:** Apologies for the length wait between updates. This chapter gave me SO much trouble I was having some serious issues with writer's block. In the end, I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Hopefully it doesn't seem too stiff or forced. Please let me know what you think!


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